Changes?

Posted on December 26, 2006

On October 30th we made a temporary move to the campground that I used to manage. My husband was still waiting for a job and I was unwilling to move back in with my in-laws, as sweet as they are. So after much contemplating, we decided to stay at the campground until hubby got a job.

It took a couple weeks for me to get our cabin in order and settle down. During this time, I also had to deal with the owner of the campground, Chris, whi is completely insane and should be on medication.

My life was completely up in the air. I felt like I was going to lose my mind. It was just one thing after another.

On November 19th, about 31/2 weeks after we moved to the campground, I found myself sitting comfortably in a pew at our new church. I was listening intently to the priest who was giving a wonderful homily, as he was preaching about the importance of family, values, and morals. Listening to him discuss how disappointed he was in Catholics having abortions, I realized I hadn’t had my period in a long time. I wasn’t worried at first, because sometimes I’m late and it’s never been a big deal. I carefully counted back to when I should have ovulated and then to when I had my last period and suddenly came to the conclusion that I was on the 36th day of my cycle and was over a week late for my period.

At that point, I definitely didn’t think I was pregnant, because there were many times before I had gone up to 45 days in my cycle with no period. Even so, I leaned over and told Dan. To my surprise, he actually looked a little worried.

When we got home after church, Dan said that I should probably take a pregnancy test. I didn’t want to though because I thought it would just be a waste! I decided to wait until Tuesday morning just to give my period a few more days to show up, if it was going to.

Tuesday morning, November 21st, I took the test first thing in the morning. I waited 3 minutes, like it said to do in the instructions, and then looked at the result window. To my shock and surprise, there were two lines. The control line was a dark pink, just like every other time I tested with a negative result. Except this time, there was a very light pink line right next to it. I didn’t immediately get excited because I didn’t think I was pregnant.

For a few moments, I felt like I was stuck in a time warp. My eyes were transfixed on the result window of my little “pee stick”. Millions of thoughts ran through my head, and most of them were along the lines of, “Maybe the test was too cold,” “Maybe the test expired,” or “Maybe I did it wrong.”

As soon as I was able to think straight again, I called Danny inside. He was outside working on some water pipes to our cabin. He quickly came inside and wanted to know what I wanted. I slowly explained what happened and then showed him the stick. He looked at it for a moment and replied, “Well……you’re probably pregnant.” I argued that the line was really light and that something had to be wrong with the test. After a bit of confusion and a bit of arguing, he told me to take another test in the morning. I told him I only had one test left. He thought this occasion might be a good time to use it…

I couldn’t STAND not knowing for sure. Talk about life in between… I knew I could be pregnant, I was probably pregnant, but didn’t know for sure if I was really pregnant. That’s enough to make any woman go right out of her freaking mind.

I called my best friend Jaclyn and explained everything including that I had lost my calendar that I used to keep track of my cycle and that I wasn’t positive exactly how late I really was. She looked up info online and informed me that if there were two lines, no matter how light it was, that it meant I was pregnant. Apparently “First Response” pregnancy tests don’t give false positives.

I was a complete wreck for the rest of the day. I couldn’t do anything but pace the floor. My life long dream was to be a mother. I had waited, what seemed liked years, for this day to come. I couldn’t know for sure yet and it was driving me insane.

Was this really it? Was it finally my time? Could I really be pregnant?? You’ll just have to wait and see. I’ll tell you the rest of the story later…

You know you love suspense… :biggrin:

Filed under: Pregnancy



Life In Between

Posted on December 20, 2006

Sometimes you find yourself in between. Whether it’s in between jobs, houses, boyfriends, or simple in between lunch and dinner. Being in between affects all of us differently. I for one, don’t have much patience for these in between periods. I hate not knowing what’s on the other side and where I’m going. I like knowing everything… and sometimes you can’t. Sometimes you just have to wait and see what happens next. Another way of “going with the flow”.

When I feel stuck in between two things with the past behind me and god-knows-what ahead of me, I feel uneasy. Obviously, that’s to be expected. I feel like it happens all too often though. For the past 4 years, there have only been a few moments… maybe weeks, when I actually felt like I was in a comfortable place in life. I have a hard time “being still” and just waiting. Maybe it’s because I’m naturally an uptight person… I don’t know.

Why does there always have to be an in between time we must all endure? And why does it have to take so long to get to the other side sometimes? Is it just me, or is it like that for everyone?

I don’t know what is ahead for me in life. It’s all so unsure right now, even with my husband’s wonderful job locked down. There are just so many ifs in life. I know I can’t control everything, but sometimes I wish I didn’t live so much of my life in between.

Filed under: Personal Thoughts



Patience Is A Virtue

Posted on December 16, 2006

My husband finally got a job, after three and 1/2 months of looking. And the funny thing is, this job just fell on his lap. A small, but growing company from Massachusetts found his job resume on Monster.com and immediately contacted him for an interview. He called them back and scheduled the interview for November 22nd.

The interview went exceptionally well and they asked him to come back on Monday for a second interview and meet the boss. So November 27th, we drove back there for his second interview. I waited in the car for him, for what seemed like forever and a day. When he came out, he was smiling and I knew it was good. They loved him and told him he could start the following week! It was a miracle that came at the perfect time.

His first day of work was December 2nd. He is the Applications Engineer at his company and he shares an office with a man from India. His office has a view, he has his own phone line, company laptop, company cell phone, and his own business cards. And the best part is, he’s making 15K more per year than he expected to.

The only current downfall is, he has a 4 hour commute everyday. We are living in New Hampshire and his job is outside of Boston. We are now considering moving farther south in NH or moving to Massachusetts. Neither if us like MA laws or politics though, so it’s a difficult decision to make. We will know in time, what to do…

There are currently only 5 other people in the company, but when the company gets bigger, he’ll be at the top. It’s a wonderful opportunity and we both feel so blessed. He never imagined he’d get a job like this straight out of college. It goes to show that good things come to those who wait. Patience truly is a virtue.

Filed under: Announcements



Internet Harassment

Posted on December 05, 2006

I love visiting other people’s blogs. I have over 250 feeds in my Bloglines Feed Reader. I enjoy anything from people’s personal blogs to (gasp) celebrity gossip and of course, fashion.

When visiting the more popular blogs, I rarely read the comments that other people have left. I read the post and if I feel the need, I leave a comment. Then I move on to another blog. I rarely spend more than a few minutes on a high traffic blog.

Well on September 8th, I made the mistake of leaving a comment on a certain celebrity gossip blog with a link back to my personal blog. It was a website that I rarely went to, but they posted about two celebrities I liked and they were speculating that they were sleeping together just because they were photographed having lunch together. How presumptuous to just assume that, right? I kindly left a comment that said something like,

“Could it possibly be that these two celebrities are still close friends and just wanted to have lunch, catch up, and hang out together? I’m so tired of gossip blogs jumping to conclusions just for the sake of making a post…”

I was directing my comment at the post’s author, but apparently, some of the other commenter’s took what I said personally. I didn’t know that till later though…

What I soon found out was that the commenting section of this blog was more like a forum or chat room for insecure people with no respect for themselves or anyone else. They started off by leaving comments telling me to F-off, which soon escalated to a certain young man deciding to speculate about my sexual preferences. He began misquoting my blog entries and changing them to say perverted, disgusting things about my dog and me, saying that I was having sexual intercourse with my female dog and other foolish nonsense.

I didn’t realize that these horrible comments were being left on the gossip blog until the young man that ventured to say sexually explicit things about me and my dog, decided to email me directly. After his first email, I went back to the website to observe the atrocities.

They began at the top and ripped me into tiny shreds. They left no stone uncovered. Once they found my blog, they unfortunately, found out everything else about me too. My wedding photos, my photography website, my website design site, information about my dance school, my family, my husband, etc It went from bad to worse, as they began ripping apart my in laws and husband as well.

And it didn’t stop there… Once they found the other blogs and websites I had, they posted links to them on the comment forum of the gossip blog. I went from getting an average of 50-60 hits a day on my website to well over 350 hits. This was not positive attention though. They posted my email address and told people to spam me. And once they found my mother in law’s blog and her name, they were able to look up our address, see where we lived, and post that on the internet as well!

This lasted for hours and hours and then moved to other comment threads on that site as well. But it didn’t end there. They began talking about me on 2 other websites as well. They even went as far as to make a faux website about me and post copyrighted images and content on that site, as if it were my own.

After 8 days of them harassing, stalking, bashing, and verbally abusing me, things quieted down and I didn’t hear or see much for about a week. During those 8 days, I never said a word to these people. I didn’t deny any of the lies they were saying, I didn’t post anymore comments on the website, and I stopped posting on my blog as well as taking down about 10 of my other websites.

My mother in law helped me save and collect all the information. It had gone from freedom of speech to stalking and harassment. I would go into further detail, but the things these people were saying were so horrible and disgusting, that I don’t want to even acknowledge it.

We thought that they had moved on to someone else and had forgotten about me, but one of the main players in their sick game, Tom, decided it would be fun to bring up the subject of me again. It lasted for another 10 days.

This time, I was pissed. Things had gone much too far and I wanted this nonsense to stop. I had done nothing wrong and didn’t deserve this kind of treatment. My mother in law and husband were pretty sick of it too. They helped me collect and compile all the things that were posted about me as well as the emails that were sent to me by Tom. We also had their IP addresses and soon figured out that these sick retards were doing this from work.

After putting all of the information together and writing a cover letter, we sent a copy to each of the stalker’s places of work, as well as 4 copies to different branches of the FBI. Yes, things had become that serious.

The stalking and harassment continued though… It has calmed down a lot, but I’m still afraid to be online. I decided the only way I was going to feel safe to blog again was by getting a bran new blog. A whole new chance at life, it seems. I don’t ever want those people to find me again. I have made a huge effort to not let me real name be revealed on this new blog or links to this blog have anything to do with my old blog or real name.

Now you know why I have a new blog!!!!!!!

Filed under: Frustration , Random Info , Technology





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