Belly – Week 32

Posted on May 30, 2007

Filed under: Belly Pics

Dear Diary

Posted on May 28, 2007

Week 32

Baby’s Length: 11.75 to 19 in.

Baby’s Weight: 4 lbs.

Baby’s Size: Ken Doll

Dear Diary,

I am getting a little sick and tired of the inaccurate “baby size” comparisons of I mean, c’mon! A Ken doll?

I’m a little frustrated with pregnancy this week. (Can you tell??)

I’m tired all the time. I don’t feel like getting up and moving around and when I finally do, the baby kicks me so hard in the bladder, I cry. Sometimes, I think she’s on a mission to kill my lady parts and render them unusable. Perhaps she doesn’t want siblings?

I feel fat and bloated and can’t stand how swollen my face looks. I’ve grown out of most of maternity clothes which absolutely disgusts me to no end. “Oh yes, but think of the prize you get in the end!” you can argue. But it just seems like there has to be a more humane way of having a child. Carrying it for 9 months in your abdomen seems almost barbaric. Our technology has progressed in so many other areas, yet we must still grow babies like animals. Seems so strange now that I think about it.

Sometimes I feel like a machine and that my only purpose right now is to grow this child. Sweet, yes, but still frustrating not having my body to myself. It’s already annoying to have to share it with my husband, but now a baby too?! I don’t like not belonging to myself anymore. I don’t remember agreeing to do this much sharing….

Don’t get my wrong, I love being pregnant. It’s an amazing thing! However, I can’t wait to get this kid out of me so that my body can go back to a somewhat normal state. I’m tired of looking (and feeling) like I could be a body double for the Pillsbury Doughboy.

I am also tired of eating for two. I feel like all I do is eat, eat, eat. Nothing tastes good to me and I can never satisfy my cravings. It’s like there is no restaurant in the world that has something on the menu that I want to eat. SO many choices, but I don’t really know what I want. I just know that what I want is never on the menu or in the grocery store. It’s like I live in the wrong country or something…

“So this is all totally normal,” I convince myself. My due date is more like a relief date. For some reason, I think I can handle the lack of sleep better than all these other… complaints.

Dear Diary,

I’m on week 32 now with less than 8 weeks to go. Seems like just yesterday I got pregnant! How time flies…

Filed under: Pregnancy

Say “NO!” To Barbie

Posted on May 21, 2007

Week 31

Baby’s Length: 11.5 to 18 in.

Baby’s Weight: 3.5 lbs.

Baby’s Size: Barbie Doll

My mother swore up and down that there would never be a Barbie doll in our house. “They’re too sexy looking!” she told everyone. And the poor thing, she tried so hard to shelter me from even knowing what a Barbie doll was. That didn’t work out so well though…

When I was about 3 years old, my mom and dad brought me to the beach. We always went to the beach and I loved swimming. This time was different though… As I was happily playing with my buckets and little plastic shovel in the wet beach sand, making amateurish sandcastles, I noticed another little girl about my age, playing with a small doll in the water about 15 feet from me. She looked like she was having so much fun making the doll walk on the beach and swim in the ocean waves… I was mesmerized.

After watching her for about 10 minutes, she noticed I was staring at her. She smiled brightly and came over to me. “Do you want to play with my Barbie?” she asked me. Oh, did I ever! How different and special this new shaped doll seemed. I accepted the Barbie from her and she went back over to her where her parents were and got herself another toy to play with. I didn’t notice what it was though… I was too happy to be holding this fun, new toy!

I played with her Barbie on the beach for hours, making it dance and walk in the sand like she did. It’s hair was so soft and shiny and it was wearing such a cute little swimsuit. Why had I never seen one of these before?!

When the little girl was ready to go home with her parents, she came back over to me to fetch her beloved Barbie. I gently handed it back to her, regretfully, wishing that I could keep it for myself. She smiled and said goodbye to me and walked away with her parents. I turned to my mom and said, “I want one.” She looked disgruntled and said, “We’ll see.”

By the time I was 6 years old, I had collected over 60 Barbie dolls, had a suitcase full of their clothes, as well as the official Barbie swimming pool, the Barbie traveling van, and so much more. I even had a three story Barbie apartment building with an elevator. It took up 1/2 of one wall in my large bedroom. I had special plastic containers with labels on them to separate Barbie’s boots and shoes from her handbags and hats. I kept everything super organized, just like all my other toys. Barbie’s weren’t a hobby or another toy for me. They became an obsession.

I played with my Barbie dolls until I was about 11 years old. Then I packed them all up myself, into clear plastic containers. I made sure that each one was dressed in her Sunday best and that their hair was neatly brushed. Then I told my mom to put them away for me so I could give them all to my daughter someday. She did.

Now it’s my turn to be a mother and I can’t help but have a different idea. Although I loved my Barbie dolls very much, I can look back and see that encouraged my unhealthy obsession with fashion, clothes, glamor, and shopping.

I can only hope I can get my own daughter to her teenage years without her laying eyes on a Barbie doll… And if I can’t completely avoid Barbie dolls altogether, I at least hope that she doesn’t become obsessed with them like I did.

*long sigh*

I might be one of those naive mother’s that thinks they can somehow help prevent their child from turning into themselves. Just another musing from my little brain…

Filed under: Memories , Pregnancy

Belly – Week 30

Posted on May 16, 2007

Filed under: Belly Pics

Bread In The Oven

Posted on May 14, 2007

Week 30

Baby’s Length: 10.75 to 17 in.

Baby’s Weight: 3 lbs.

Baby’s Size: Loaf of Bread

I watched Brothers & Sisters last night lack of anything better to do. Tommy and Julia’s twins were born premature (about 29 weeks) and they were so tiny… It really touched me to see them holding such a tiny little baby in their arms, knowing that my own baby who is still safe in my womb, is not much bigger. It really makes you realize how fragile and special life is when it’s right in your face like that.

With only 10 weeks left now, I am starting to get slightly nervous. I am, by nature, a control freak and not being able to have complete control of this pregnancy is driving me a little bit crazy. I know I can’t have the perfect birth and give birth on a certain day and have everything go perfectly, because having a baby isn’t like that. That really hit me after reading all about Tammie’s birth experience. (Day 1, Day 2, and Day 3)She was planning a water birth in a birthing center, just like I am, and at the last minute her plans had to change completely for the health of her unborn baby. I know that she wanted to have a natural birth as much as I do and it just really sucks that things didn’t turn out that way.

She seems to be taking everything quite well and is embracing motherhood in an amazing way. I admire her so much. I know I mention her a lot in my posts, and it’s because she’s such a strong, mature woman that I really respect and look up to. I have learned a lot from her and in turn, learned a lot about myself.

I know that I am very sensitive to failure and disappointment. I actually hold myself back in life sometimes, just to avoid being disappointed in myself. With that knowledge in mind, I know that I can’t prepare myself for labor and delivery the way that most other people would. I know if I have any expectations at all, I will be disappointed in myself for a long time. Oh yes, they say that after the baby is born you forget all about that kind of stuff. Well, I’m just not like that…

So I am trying to have a really laid-back attitude about labor and birth. I don’t want to spend these next few weeks stressing out about how I want everything to happen, going to labor classes, making a complicated birth plan, and preparing myself for some kind of magical experience that probably won’t happen anything like I plan. I think it’s much better for me to just sit back, eat healthy, exercise, and go with the flow… My own little way of being oblivious.

Everything will happen in God’s time and according to His plan. As much as I want to be in control of everything, I’m not and I can’t be. And maybe someday, I won’t want to be… Until then, I just need to learn how to “let go”.

Filed under: Pregnancy

Belly – Week 29

Posted on May 12, 2007

My cute little “Mommy-To-Be” hipster shorts with the little stork on them. Just too cute!

Filed under: Belly Pics

Ironing Out The Bumps

Posted on May 07, 2007

Week 29

Baby’s Length: 10.5 to 16.75 in.

Baby’s Weight: 2.75 lbs.

Baby’s Size: Iron

I think an iron is a bad analogy for the current size of the baby. I would personally compare her to a honeydew melon; especially after looking at my stomach.

Sometimes she feels like a big bowling ball just flopping back and forth in my gut. I think I can safely say that I have definitely left the comfortable and fun part of pregnancy at this point. It’s all downhill from here!

For those of you that aren’t very far along yet, like Kelly and Parker, let me share with you a few things I have learned:

1.) I know it’s really exciting when you finally start showing. You suddenly go from looking fat to actually looking pregnant and it’s quite a milestone. However, just keep in mind that your belly is going to just keep getting bigger with each passing day. Enjoy it while it’s small. Enjoy being able to suck your stomach in and have the bump actually disappear. A few months from now, you won’t be able to do that anymore! I was so anxious to start showing, I think I actually pushed my stomach out a bit. You don’t want to do that… It doesn’t go back. The baby just takes advantage of the space and moves right in.

2.) It’s nice to have an excuse to eat. “I can eat 2 pieces of cake because I’m pregnant and the baby needs it,” you convince yourself. Yeah… well… just keep in mind that every pound that isn’t baby or placenta or amniotic fluid is going to be there once the baby pops out! It would be nice to gain 30 pounds during pregnancy and just suddenly lose it all on the delivery table, but I’m afraid that doesn’t happen. I have 2 months left to go and I have already gained 25 pounds. I went from a slim 115 lb chic to a plump little 140 lb Goodyear blimp. And supposedly, you gain another 10 pounds in your last 8 weeks of pregnancy. I can’t exactly diet at this point!!! So just keep your weight and food intake in check, especially during the second trimester when you feel so great and just want to eat all the time.

3.) Exercise and walk a lot!! Once you get to the third trimester, you won’t want to anymore. You are going to feel fat, tired, and sitting and watching TV with a bowl of ice cream is going to be more appealing than ever before. Don’t make excuses either. I’m regretting not exercising more while I was still small enough to do so. Now, I have no energy left.

4.) Don’t let people impose their opinions and ideas on you if you don’t want them to. It will just make your head spin. I think a key thing during pregnancy is to stay peaceful and calm at all times. If someone in your life is making you crazy or stressing you out, try to take a break from them or put distance there. You and your baby will be better for it.

Filed under: Pregnancy

Spring Time

Posted on May 03, 2007

Photo © 2007

It seems like time is going by so quickly now. I can’t even keep track of how many weeks along in my pregnancy I am anymore. My brain is so preoccupied with how many things I have to do between now and July, I can’t even begin to think about being a dedicated blogger.

Being without internet for 6 weeks was an interesting experience. The first week, I was stressing out a little bit. The second week, I started freaking out about not being able to post on my fashion blog (which is exploding in popularity). By the third week without an internet connection, I gave up being stressed out about. Then by the forth and fifth week, I realized what an amazing blessing it was not having to worry about email, blog posts, and the other 500 things I do on the internet everyday. It was a nice vacation.

When the Comcast guy came and put in our internet for us, I was very relieved. That is, until I checked my email… I have 10 email accounts I had to check. (Yes, they are all absolutely necessary.) Well… I had almost 2,000 emails altogether and only about 1,000 of them were spam or solicited emails. That left me with about 1,000 emails that I had to either deal with, respond to, file away, or at the very least, read. That took about 3 days.

During that time with no internet, I came down with a sinus infection/cold. I was sick with that for about 8 days and then felt like I was improving for 2 or 3 days. Then, I suddenly came down with pneumonia. I was sick in bed with pneumonia for over 2 weeks. At one point, I was so sick I could barely breath (with me asthma and all) and was convinced I had no other choice than to go to the hospital. This was the 6th time in my life I had pneumonia and 4 out of those 6 times, I went into the hospital. Only 2 out of those 6 times with pneumonia, I almost died. Colds etc really hit me hard…

The day that I was my very sickest with pneumonia, my husband was on a business trip and I was home alone. My mother just happened to come over that day to bring me a bureau for my bedroom. I felt so miserable, I didn’t let her leave. I needed somebody, anybody, to just be there with me in case I decided it was finally time to go to the hospital. I really didn’t want to go though…

I made my mom stay overnight with me. She cleaned the apartment for me while I laid on the couch in a semi-coma type state. Being a holistic nutritionist, she gave me all the vitamins I needed to fight the pneumonia as well as making sure I took all my asthma medications so I could get enough oxygen for the baby. She made me chicken soup, did my laundry, and took care of me.

Surprisingly, I made a near miraculous recovery in less than 4 days. After being sick for 2 weeks and feeling like I was near death for almost 1 week, I couldn’t even believe I was still alive.

My mother stayed with me for those 4 days until I was well enough to take care of my myself and my husband was home. During that time, we did a lot of talking – something I think both of us really needed to do. We ironed out so many things in those 4 days together. I confronted her about everything that has been bothering me about our relationship over the past 3 years and she cried and apologized; something she has never done before. We got the pink elephant out of the living room (so to speak) and worked through a lot of things that needed to get out in the open and over and done with. Kinda like closure…

I didn’t enjoy being sick by any means, but if I hadn’t been in that position, I don’t think my mother and I would have gotten a chance to talk like that and be open with each other. She was in a vulnerable position having to take care of me and after three years of gaining my own personal strength, I was able to confront her without hesitation. I think the whole thing was an amazing blessing, as awkward as it may seem.

I feel much better now that I am not on the “outs” with her. I hadn’t really realized how much stress that was causing me. She’s my mother and I know she’s not perfect by any means of the word and I know that she has mental issues and is deeply conflicted, but it doesn’t bother me or affect me anymore. I can see it, realize it, and work around it. Now if she says something that puts up a red flag in my brain, I either call her on it or ignore it completely. Before, I took everything personally and over-analyzed every word to the point of delirium.

I find myself very protective of myself, my body, my baby, and my husband. I wasn’t like that before I got pregnant. I am very quick to stand up for myself and what I think is right now. It’s like being pregnant with this child has given me a whole new level of self confidence and assertiveness. I still avoid conflict whenever I can, which has made me become distant from certain people, but I’ve been peaceful, which is the most important part.

I have been so much happier with my pregnancy and the direction of my life the last 2 months. I was really depressed for my first trimester and half of my second trimester. There were a few people in my life making it very difficult for me to be happy. I was very conflicted, depressed, and easily insulted. I think getting away from all of it while I was sick for those 3 weeks, really gave me the time to think and get a better perspective. It’s been a combination of a few different things that improved my outlook though. I put distance between the few people that were getting on my overly-active pregnant nerves and I started thinking about the things that really mattered. Important things like my little girl. I feel a lot closer to her lately instead of like I have some alien invading my personal space. There is an indescribable bond there now, that I know will grow even stronger over time.

And so it’s spring… and with the rising pollen counts and increased allergies, my spirits have soared to new levels and I’m genuinely content with where my life is going.

Filed under: Everyday Life , Family & Friends

Congratulations Tammie!

Posted on May 02, 2007

My friend Tammie, over at Soul Gardening finally gave birth to her beautiful baby boy! Isn’t he the most handsome little guy you’ve ever seen?! She had a long labor, but as you can see from the picture, it was well worth it. I am so happy for her!! I can’t wait till it’s my turn!

Go on over to her blog and leave her some love and support >>

Filed under: Announcements

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