Things to Avoid Saying to a Very Pregnant Woman

Just found this on someone’s blog:

Things to Avoid Saying to a Very Pregnant Woman

1. Are you still pregnant? Umm. Yes. And thanks for the reminder. Of course, if the answer is no, but I still LOOK pregnant, well, is that really a conversational corner you want to back yourself into?

2. You’re huge. What is it about pregnancy that seems to eliminate personal conversational boundaries? If you don’t want me to say any variation on “You’re fat,” don’t say it to me.

3. Hey, Mom. I am not your mother. I am more than my ability to gestate. In fact, I have an identity and a name that I have been using quite happily for over 30 years. How about referring to me by that.

4. Is it twins? This is basically a variation on “You’re huge” and you might be amazed how many total strangers feel free to ask it. It’s not so bad if the answer is “Yes,” but if the answer is “No,” look out.

5. How did you conceive twins? We did it twice in one night.

6. Do twins run in your family? Why not just come out and ask whether we used drugs? Do you share your medical information with everybody? Then don’t ask me to share mine.

7. What’s the gender(s)? This one comes up a lot in grocery stores for some reason. Do I know you? Why are you asking me questions about my life at all? Just bag the groceries. Of course, if I say “One of each” that inevitably brings on “Do twins run in your family” so I try to avoid answering. Note, if someone does answer “one of each,” don’t then ask: “Are they identical or fraternal?” because it makes you look like a moron.

8. Are you planning a natural birth? No, I was going for one of those artificial births.

9. Are you planning to breastfeed? Planning on asking for a taste?

10. Do NOT immitate the waddle. A woman at work did this and remains lucky to this day that I am not very fast any more.

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