Change Is Good

I had a lovely evening at my brother’s house on Wednesday night and Thursday morning, I helped my SIL Anne Marie prepare Thanksgiving dinner.

Sometime in the early afternoon, I went to the bathroom and realized that I had spotted. I thought that I had finally started my period or had a miscarriage and I felt absolutely devastated. I couldn’t help but cry. My husband held me tight and comforted me and told me everything would be all right.

The next day, after spending a second night sleeping overnight at my brother’s house, I became a little depressed. Still thinking I had started my period, I had a few drinks with Anne and a little later in the evening, the 4 of us drank two very expensive bottles of champagne.

We ended up staying overnight at Zach’s till Monday. By then, I realized that what I had experienced was not my period or a miscarriage… It was implantation bleeding.

Early Monday morning, we packed up and left my brother’s house to go to Danny’s follow-up interview in Billerica, MA where he would meet the boss and sign the contract. They told him that he would start work the following week. What a relief! We were both so happy about his new job.

From there, we drove to Options For Women. To our surprise, it was located three buildings down from the church we got married in. That was a pleasant surprise. I suddenly felt more confident again. The woman at the front desk was very sweet and we soon realized that OFW was actually a Christian organization. That made me feel even better.

The pregnancy tests they offered were a little different than what I was used to. You used a little dropper and placed 4 small drops onto the test instead of peeing on a stick. We were actually able to perform the test ourselves, making it a very hands-on experience that we’ll never forget.

I was too afraid to look at the test, so I nervously talked to the woman, as Danny kept his eyes glued to the test. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the expression on his face change and his whole face lit up. He told me to look at the test and bravely, I obeyed. “It’s positive!” he exclaimed! I looked down and there it was… 2 bold pink lines. The woman agreed happily and announced, “You’re pregnant! How do you feel?” I was so happy I could barely talk. I knew I would remember November 27th for a very long time.

She took us into another room and asked us some more questions, to make sure we knew what what going on and what we had gotten ourselves into. She gave us several booklets and showed us how big the baby was, and told us that our due date was July 19th, 2007. It was all so surreal!

As we walked out the door and headed for our car, neither Danny nor I could wipe the smiles off our faces. I don’t think either of us had ever been that happy before! We immediately drove to his parent’s house to tell them the good news. They were both so happy for us. I haven’t been able to function ever since.

It’s now January 2nd, 2007 and I have been visibly showing for almost 2 weeks now. My belly button has moved up 2 inches and none of my pants fit me. I am now 11 weeks pregnant and my actual due date is July 22nd. The baby is about 2 inches long and weighs about half an ounce. The baby is about the size of an apricot and looks similar to the fetus in the picture to the right. Isn’t it so cute and tiny?!

I’ve told almost all of Danny’s family and relatives, my best friend Jaclyn and her boyfriend Elijah, as well as my friend Cindi and my chiropractor. I also told Zach and Anne a few days before Christmas when we went to visit them again. So far, everyone we’ve told has been really happy for us.

I haven’t told my mom yet and I don’t want to. I’ve had nightmares about telling her ever since I found out I was indeed pregnant. I keep joking that I’ll let the baby tell her…

I’m now coming out the other end of the morning sickness phase, seeing as how I am almost to my second trimester. My morning sickness was never really bad, but there were days I couldn’t get out of bed. Luckily, I never actually vomited. I just felt like it and threatened it for like 4 weeks!

I’ve gained about 8 pounds so far, my I know most of it is water weight and from all the food I’ve been eating! I normally have a 27 inch waist and 30 inch hips and I now measure 34 inches around the middle. At first, I just looked bloated. Now, I actually look pregnant. It’s so neat and I love it!

So yeah… I’m pregnant! What do you think about that?

Ch Ch Ch Changes

November 22nd, the morning after I took the first pregnancy test, I woke up 6:00am. My husband had a couple of job interviews he had to go to that day in Manchester, NH and Billerica, MA. We had decided that if the second pregnancy test was also positive, we would go to the Planned Parenthood Center in Manchester just to take one more test and get it confirmed.

I took the second pregnancy test no more than 5 minutes after waking up. My eyes weren’t even fully open yet. However, they did work enough to see that this test was also positive. The line was light, but definitely darker than the day before. I seriously started to freak!

I wanted to be pregnant so badly, but was afraid to believe that it was finally happening. I had so many doubts running through my mind, that I couldn’t let myself get happy yet because I was so afraid that if I did… it would all go away.

Danny’s first interview went well and afterwards we drove straight to the PP Center. When we got there, a well dressed woman carrying a Prada handbag met us in the parking lot. She didn’t introduce herself, but I noticed she had anti-abortion and pro-life bumper stickers on her bran new van. She persuaded us to go to the Care Net Pregnancy Center right down the street because they didn’t encourage or perform abortions there. That sounded like a much better option to me, considering I am ferociously pro-life.

We agreed to follow her there. Unfortunately when we arrived and the woman parked her vehicle, she accidentally hit the van in front of her. I felt really bad that she had a fender bender because she was really trying to be nice to us and do something good by steering us away from the PP Center. I got the impression that this was what she did all day… I don’t think she had any kids though.

The Care Net Pregnancy Center didn’t open until 10:00am so we had to wait around for about 35 minutes, which seemed like the longest 35 minutes of my life. It seemed like I would never know for sure whether I was really pregnant or not. I’ll tell you right now, it definitely wasn’t under the circumstances that I had expected. All I kept saying to Danny was, “This is SO WEIRD! I can’t believe this is happening!”

They finally opened the front doors and let us in where we sat in a waiting room for an additional ten minutes. As soon as I got in there, I ran to the bathroom because I had to pee so bad I thought I was going to burst! I felt much better afterwards, but that didn’t get my nerves much. While I sat there impatiently, I filled out some paperwork and tried to stay calm. Each second that passed felt like a minute. Every minute that passed felt like an hour. I hadn’t been that stressed out in at least a couple years!

After an eternity and a half, they sent me into the bathroom with a cup.

Warning: TMI below!

I had a feeling that this wasn’t going to go well. It suddenly dawned on me when I went in there that I had just peed only 8 or 9 minutes earlier! Not only did I not have to pee, it was about 10:15am and this was by far, not my “morning sample”. I managed to squeeze several drops out, but I knew it wasn’t enough.


I left my sample in the bathroom, where they had instructed me to. Soon after that, they brought Danny and I into a elegantly decorated room where we sat down on a comfy sofa and spoke to a kind woman. She had us fill out a little more paperwork and she talked with us about how we would feel if the results were positive.

Several minutes later, a nurse came into the room with my test results. She showed us the two lines on the test and it looked exactly like the test I took earlier that morning. She said that it was positive, but that she had to call it a negative because she was supposed to read the official test result at the 3 minutes mark and the positive line didn’t show up on my test until the 4 minutes mark. Talk about frustration!

They said that for legal reasons, they had to tell me that it was negative, but that I was most likely pregnant and should take another test in a few days.

They also explained that it probably took a minute for the results to show up because my sample was diluted and not a “morning sample”. Another possibility was the Hcg levels could be low because I was so small and skinny and things could be progressing slowly. Still, it wasn’t what I wanted to hear. I wanted them to tell me, “Congrats! You’re pregnant!”

My husband was still convinced I was pregnant though. As far as he was concerned, there were three positive pregnancy tests and that was enough to prove to him that I was knocked up!

Before leaving the Care Net Pregnancy Center, they gave me the telephone numbers and addresses for a couple other places I could go to get another free pregnancy test. Unfortunately, the next day was Thanksgiving, nobody was open on weekends, so I had to wait until Monday to get tested again! I had to wait 5 more days! I thought for sure, I was going to lose my mind…

We left Care Net and went to Danny’s second interview, which went extremely well as you know. (He got the job!) He came out grinning ear to ear and I knew things were only going to go up from there.

That night, we went to my brother’s house. It was the first time I had seen him in almost 3 years. We hadn’t spoken in over 1 year. But that’s a story for another time… In short, everything went much better than I expected.

Very suddenly everything seemed right in the world for the first time in a long time. All was as it should be, it seemed.


On October 30th we made a temporary move to the campground that I used to manage. My husband was still waiting for a job and I was unwilling to move back in with my in-laws, as sweet as they are. So after much contemplating, we decided to stay at the campground until hubby got a job.

It took a couple weeks for me to get our cabin in order and settle down. During this time, I also had to deal with the owner of the campground, Chris, whi is completely insane and should be on medication.

My life was completely up in the air. I felt like I was going to lose my mind. It was just one thing after another.

On November 19th, about 31/2 weeks after we moved to the campground, I found myself sitting comfortably in a pew at our new church. I was listening intently to the priest who was giving a wonderful homily, as he was preaching about the importance of family, values, and morals. Listening to him discuss how disappointed he was in Catholics having abortions, I realized I hadn’t had my period in a long time. I wasn’t worried at first, because sometimes I’m late and it’s never been a big deal. I carefully counted back to when I should have ovulated and then to when I had my last period and suddenly came to the conclusion that I was on the 36th day of my cycle and was over a week late for my period.

At that point, I definitely didn’t think I was pregnant, because there were many times before I had gone up to 45 days in my cycle with no period. Even so, I leaned over and told Dan. To my surprise, he actually looked a little worried.

When we got home after church, Dan said that I should probably take a pregnancy test. I didn’t want to though because I thought it would just be a waste! I decided to wait until Tuesday morning just to give my period a few more days to show up, if it was going to.

Tuesday morning, November 21st, I took the test first thing in the morning. I waited 3 minutes, like it said to do in the instructions, and then looked at the result window. To my shock and surprise, there were two lines. The control line was a dark pink, just like every other time I tested with a negative result. Except this time, there was a very light pink line right next to it. I didn’t immediately get excited because I didn’t think I was pregnant.

For a few moments, I felt like I was stuck in a time warp. My eyes were transfixed on the result window of my little “pee stick”. Millions of thoughts ran through my head, and most of them were along the lines of, “Maybe the test was too cold,” “Maybe the test expired,” or “Maybe I did it wrong.”

As soon as I was able to think straight again, I called Danny inside. He was outside working on some water pipes to our cabin. He quickly came inside and wanted to know what I wanted. I slowly explained what happened and then showed him the stick. He looked at it for a moment and replied, “Well……you’re probably pregnant.” I argued that the line was really light and that something had to be wrong with the test. After a bit of confusion and a bit of arguing, he told me to take another test in the morning. I told him I only had one test left. He thought this occasion might be a good time to use it…

I couldn’t STAND not knowing for sure. Talk about life in between… I knew I could be pregnant, I was probably pregnant, but didn’t know for sure if I was really pregnant. That’s enough to make any woman go right out of her freaking mind.

I called my best friend Jaclyn and explained everything including that I had lost my calendar that I used to keep track of my cycle and that I wasn’t positive exactly how late I really was. She looked up info online and informed me that if there were two lines, no matter how light it was, that it meant I was pregnant. Apparently “First Response” pregnancy tests don’t give false positives.

I was a complete wreck for the rest of the day. I couldn’t do anything but pace the floor. My life long dream was to be a mother. I had waited, what seemed liked years, for this day to come. I couldn’t know for sure yet and it was driving me insane.

Was this really it? Was it finally my time? Could I really be pregnant?? You’ll just have to wait and see. I’ll tell you the rest of the story later…

You know you love suspense… :biggrin: