I Don’t Like Football

Posted on June 11, 2007

Week 34

Baby’s Length: 12.75 to 20 in.

Baby’s Weight: 5 lbs.

Baby’s Size: Football

So the baby is the size of a football. I don’t know about that… These size comparisons are really getting on my nerves lately! I’ve just been posting my weekly update like that for so long that I can’t stop now.

As the days go by, I feel more and more like birth is imminent. The baby’s head has dropped and she resides on the left side of my stomach now. She still runs like she’s on a gerbil wheel, but now her feet only kick my right side, as she doesn’t have much room to move around.

It happened quite suddenly. Seems like for a long time she had a lot of room, and then within like a couple days I felt her get a lot bigger. She’s settled comfortably, but I’m not so comfortable anymore. I feel like I am walking around with a grapefruit between my legs. And not in a good way!

I’m only comfortable sleeping on my left side now. I wake up 6-8 times during the night to pee. I think it’s God’s way of giving us practice for when we have to wake up during the night to nurse. I think it helps us learn how to fall back asleep quickly. Or something like that…

I have Braxton Hicks contractions all the time now. I guess that’s one of the things that makes me realize how close I am to the end. It really seems like the weeks are flying by at this point and I spend most of my day hoping that I have everything I need. And even more than that, I am trying to prepare myself emotionally for the task ahead.

I’m not afraid or nervous about what’s to come. I know I’ll do fine and I’m not worried about it at all. I do worry about everyone else though. I am still not dealing well with the extra attention and all the unwanted advice from strangers. I fear that it will only get worse after the baby arrives and I’ll have to go into seclusion. Still need to learn how to stand up my myself and stay straight on my own two feet. It comes easy for me with some people. And other people… not so much.

Today, I’m going to go shopping with my mom and grandmother again. I am going to get the cloth diapering system and also purchase a few nursing shirts to wear in public. I found this fantastic store called “Mother & Child” and they have sooo much stuff. It’s my new favorite store. I also have to help my mom with making the diaper cake, party favors, and centerpieces for the baby shower. Only 2 weeks till the baby shower! I’m anxiously watching my baby registries to see what people are picking up.

Well, I have lots to do today, so that’s all I have time for. I will try to post another belly pic at some point this week…

Filed under: Pregnancy

Belly – Week 33

Posted on June 07, 2007

Week 33

Baby’s Length: 12.25 to 19.5 in.

Baby’s Weight: 4.5 lbs.

Baby’s Size: iBook

I have been so busy lately. Yesterday, my mom bought us a crib. Dan had fun putting it all together. It looks so cute with the classic pooh bumpers and blankets inside.

My family has been great. They have been giving me all kinds of stuff like cloths, a boppy pillow, a breast pump, etc Plus my mom is throwing me a beautiful baby shower on June 23rd. And yes, I am getting to help plan the whole thing!!! So if there was any question as to whether I am a control freak, now you know…

The baby is still moving constantly and she doesn’t have an Olympic size swimming pool anymore… It’s getting to be more like a kiddy pool now and she is not liking it! She’s been head down for at least 90% of the time for the last week so I am getting kicked in the ribs A LOT!

I love being pregnant, but I am ready to have this baby.

Filed under: Belly Pics , Pregnancy

Dear Diary

Posted on May 28, 2007

Week 32

Baby’s Length: 11.75 to 19 in.

Baby’s Weight: 4 lbs.

Baby’s Size: Ken Doll

Dear Diary,

I am getting a little sick and tired of the inaccurate “baby size” comparisons of AmericanBaby.com. I mean, c’mon! A Ken doll?

I’m a little frustrated with pregnancy this week. (Can you tell??)

I’m tired all the time. I don’t feel like getting up and moving around and when I finally do, the baby kicks me so hard in the bladder, I cry. Sometimes, I think she’s on a mission to kill my lady parts and render them unusable. Perhaps she doesn’t want siblings?

I feel fat and bloated and can’t stand how swollen my face looks. I’ve grown out of most of maternity clothes which absolutely disgusts me to no end. “Oh yes, but think of the prize you get in the end!” you can argue. But it just seems like there has to be a more humane way of having a child. Carrying it for 9 months in your abdomen seems almost barbaric. Our technology has progressed in so many other areas, yet we must still grow babies like animals. Seems so strange now that I think about it.

Sometimes I feel like a machine and that my only purpose right now is to grow this child. Sweet, yes, but still frustrating not having my body to myself. It’s already annoying to have to share it with my husband, but now a baby too?! I don’t like not belonging to myself anymore. I don’t remember agreeing to do this much sharing….

Don’t get my wrong, I love being pregnant. It’s an amazing thing! However, I can’t wait to get this kid out of me so that my body can go back to a somewhat normal state. I’m tired of looking (and feeling) like I could be a body double for the Pillsbury Doughboy.

I am also tired of eating for two. I feel like all I do is eat, eat, eat. Nothing tastes good to me and I can never satisfy my cravings. It’s like there is no restaurant in the world that has something on the menu that I want to eat. SO many choices, but I don’t really know what I want. I just know that what I want is never on the menu or in the grocery store. It’s like I live in the wrong country or something…

“So this is all totally normal,” I convince myself. My due date is more like a relief date. For some reason, I think I can handle the lack of sleep better than all these other… complaints.

Dear Diary,

I’m on week 32 now with less than 8 weeks to go. Seems like just yesterday I got pregnant! How time flies…

Filed under: Pregnancy

Say “NO!” To Barbie

Posted on May 21, 2007

Week 31

Baby’s Length: 11.5 to 18 in.

Baby’s Weight: 3.5 lbs.

Baby’s Size: Barbie Doll

My mother swore up and down that there would never be a Barbie doll in our house. “They’re too sexy looking!” she told everyone. And the poor thing, she tried so hard to shelter me from even knowing what a Barbie doll was. That didn’t work out so well though…

When I was about 3 years old, my mom and dad brought me to the beach. We always went to the beach and I loved swimming. This time was different though… As I was happily playing with my buckets and little plastic shovel in the wet beach sand, making amateurish sandcastles, I noticed another little girl about my age, playing with a small doll in the water about 15 feet from me. She looked like she was having so much fun making the doll walk on the beach and swim in the ocean waves… I was mesmerized.

After watching her for about 10 minutes, she noticed I was staring at her. She smiled brightly and came over to me. “Do you want to play with my Barbie?” she asked me. Oh, did I ever! How different and special this new shaped doll seemed. I accepted the Barbie from her and she went back over to her where her parents were and got herself another toy to play with. I didn’t notice what it was though… I was too happy to be holding this fun, new toy!

I played with her Barbie on the beach for hours, making it dance and walk in the sand like she did. It’s hair was so soft and shiny and it was wearing such a cute little swimsuit. Why had I never seen one of these before?!

When the little girl was ready to go home with her parents, she came back over to me to fetch her beloved Barbie. I gently handed it back to her, regretfully, wishing that I could keep it for myself. She smiled and said goodbye to me and walked away with her parents. I turned to my mom and said, “I want one.” She looked disgruntled and said, “We’ll see.”

By the time I was 6 years old, I had collected over 60 Barbie dolls, had a suitcase full of their clothes, as well as the official Barbie swimming pool, the Barbie traveling van, and so much more. I even had a three story Barbie apartment building with an elevator. It took up 1/2 of one wall in my large bedroom. I had special plastic containers with labels on them to separate Barbie’s boots and shoes from her handbags and hats. I kept everything super organized, just like all my other toys. Barbie’s weren’t a hobby or another toy for me. They became an obsession.

I played with my Barbie dolls until I was about 11 years old. Then I packed them all up myself, into clear plastic containers. I made sure that each one was dressed in her Sunday best and that their hair was neatly brushed. Then I told my mom to put them away for me so I could give them all to my daughter someday. She did.

Now it’s my turn to be a mother and I can’t help but have a different idea. Although I loved my Barbie dolls very much, I can look back and see that encouraged my unhealthy obsession with fashion, clothes, glamor, and shopping.

I can only hope I can get my own daughter to her teenage years without her laying eyes on a Barbie doll… And if I can’t completely avoid Barbie dolls altogether, I at least hope that she doesn’t become obsessed with them like I did.

*long sigh*

I might be one of those naive mother’s that thinks they can somehow help prevent their child from turning into themselves. Just another musing from my little brain…

Filed under: Memories , Pregnancy

Bread In The Oven

Posted on May 14, 2007

Week 30

Baby’s Length: 10.75 to 17 in.

Baby’s Weight: 3 lbs.

Baby’s Size: Loaf of Bread

I watched Brothers & Sisters last night lack of anything better to do. Tommy and Julia’s twins were born premature (about 29 weeks) and they were so tiny… It really touched me to see them holding such a tiny little baby in their arms, knowing that my own baby who is still safe in my womb, is not much bigger. It really makes you realize how fragile and special life is when it’s right in your face like that.

With only 10 weeks left now, I am starting to get slightly nervous. I am, by nature, a control freak and not being able to have complete control of this pregnancy is driving me a little bit crazy. I know I can’t have the perfect birth and give birth on a certain day and have everything go perfectly, because having a baby isn’t like that. That really hit me after reading all about Tammie’s birth experience. (Day 1, Day 2, and Day 3)She was planning a water birth in a birthing center, just like I am, and at the last minute her plans had to change completely for the health of her unborn baby. I know that she wanted to have a natural birth as much as I do and it just really sucks that things didn’t turn out that way.

She seems to be taking everything quite well and is embracing motherhood in an amazing way. I admire her so much. I know I mention her a lot in my posts, and it’s because she’s such a strong, mature woman that I really respect and look up to. I have learned a lot from her and in turn, learned a lot about myself.

I know that I am very sensitive to failure and disappointment. I actually hold myself back in life sometimes, just to avoid being disappointed in myself. With that knowledge in mind, I know that I can’t prepare myself for labor and delivery the way that most other people would. I know if I have any expectations at all, I will be disappointed in myself for a long time. Oh yes, they say that after the baby is born you forget all about that kind of stuff. Well, I’m just not like that…

So I am trying to have a really laid-back attitude about labor and birth. I don’t want to spend these next few weeks stressing out about how I want everything to happen, going to labor classes, making a complicated birth plan, and preparing myself for some kind of magical experience that probably won’t happen anything like I plan. I think it’s much better for me to just sit back, eat healthy, exercise, and go with the flow… My own little way of being oblivious.

Everything will happen in God’s time and according to His plan. As much as I want to be in control of everything, I’m not and I can’t be. And maybe someday, I won’t want to be… Until then, I just need to learn how to “let go”.

Filed under: Pregnancy

Ironing Out The Bumps

Posted on May 07, 2007

Week 29

Baby’s Length: 10.5 to 16.75 in.

Baby’s Weight: 2.75 lbs.

Baby’s Size: Iron

I think an iron is a bad analogy for the current size of the baby. I would personally compare her to a honeydew melon; especially after looking at my stomach.

Sometimes she feels like a big bowling ball just flopping back and forth in my gut. I think I can safely say that I have definitely left the comfortable and fun part of pregnancy at this point. It’s all downhill from here!

For those of you that aren’t very far along yet, like Kelly and Parker, let me share with you a few things I have learned:

1.) I know it’s really exciting when you finally start showing. You suddenly go from looking fat to actually looking pregnant and it’s quite a milestone. However, just keep in mind that your belly is going to just keep getting bigger with each passing day. Enjoy it while it’s small. Enjoy being able to suck your stomach in and have the bump actually disappear. A few months from now, you won’t be able to do that anymore! I was so anxious to start showing, I think I actually pushed my stomach out a bit. You don’t want to do that… It doesn’t go back. The baby just takes advantage of the space and moves right in.

2.) It’s nice to have an excuse to eat. “I can eat 2 pieces of cake because I’m pregnant and the baby needs it,” you convince yourself. Yeah… well… just keep in mind that every pound that isn’t baby or placenta or amniotic fluid is going to be there once the baby pops out! It would be nice to gain 30 pounds during pregnancy and just suddenly lose it all on the delivery table, but I’m afraid that doesn’t happen. I have 2 months left to go and I have already gained 25 pounds. I went from a slim 115 lb chic to a plump little 140 lb Goodyear blimp. And supposedly, you gain another 10 pounds in your last 8 weeks of pregnancy. I can’t exactly diet at this point!!! So just keep your weight and food intake in check, especially during the second trimester when you feel so great and just want to eat all the time.

3.) Exercise and walk a lot!! Once you get to the third trimester, you won’t want to anymore. You are going to feel fat, tired, and sitting and watching TV with a bowl of ice cream is going to be more appealing than ever before. Don’t make excuses either. I’m regretting not exercising more while I was still small enough to do so. Now, I have no energy left.

4.) Don’t let people impose their opinions and ideas on you if you don’t want them to. It will just make your head spin. I think a key thing during pregnancy is to stay peaceful and calm at all times. If someone in your life is making you crazy or stressing you out, try to take a break from them or put distance there. You and your baby will be better for it.

Filed under: Pregnancy

Being Kicked

Posted on March 16, 2007

I was just sitting on the couch and as usual, Bean Sprout was kicking me in the gut. This time it was a lot more than usual though. So I rolled my pants down and stared at my stomach and I could actually see it vibrating and see where she was punching and kicking me. It was such an amazing moment, that I couldn’t help but start bawling my eyes out right then and there.

Every time I realize that I am really growing a baby inside of me, I get wicked emotional. Most of the time, this whole experience is just unexplainable.

The joys of being pregnant for the first time…

Filed under: Pregnancy

Belly – Week 21

Posted on March 14, 2007

Yes, those are pre-pregnancy clothes I’m still attempting to wear. Just around the house though!!

I have gained 15 pounds since December. Right now, I weigh 130 and feel like a cow! I started exercising more the past week or so because I noticed my thighs getting a little bit bigger than necessary! I am trying really hard to make the food I’m eating count and not gain a whole lot of extra “baby weight” just from pigging out on junk food. I don’t want to make it harder for myself once the baby is out.

My goal is to be back into my size 2 skinny jeans by November 1st. And to look like this 6 months after I give birth. Hey if she could do it in 3 months, I can do it 6… Yes, I have high hopes!!!

Just trying to eat good for the baby and stay active. I’m not too worried about gaining weight and stuff. Actually haven’t thought about it much at all before this week. Decided I needed to keep that in check though… I like to set my personal goals high and all I can do is hope to accomplish them. More will power to me!

Filed under: Belly Pics , Pregnancy

Banana’s & Comments

Posted on March 12, 2007

Week 21

Baby’s Length: 7.5 in.

Baby’s Weight: 12 oz.

Baby’s Size: Banana

Another week has passed and I find myself 21 weeks along in my pregnancy. Seems like the time is flying by, although everyone told me it would seem like I was pregnant forever. To me, it seems like just yesterday I had a waist and normal sized thighs…

If you haven’t already noticed, one of my characteristics or “personality traits” if you will, is my inability to take unsought advice. I realize that this probably doesn’t make much sense, considering I write several blogs, but try to understand. It has taken me the last 5 years of blogging to realize that having a public blog and allowing comments, opens me up to other people’s scrutiny, judgments, opinions, and advice.

This makes it very difficult for me to post. I want the comments, but then I put up a brick wall as soon as I sense someone is trying to share their opinion or advice with me. Having anyone try to tell me to “do things their way” is a subconscious reminder of where I’ve been all of my life. All the little red flags go up and I immediately become defensive and shut down.

Please don’t take this personally, but I need to have the comments turned off on my blog for a while until I can pull myself back together. The last couple months of posts I have made, have resulted in comments with (I’m sure) well-meant advice from people who only have the best intentions. However, it’s been driving me up a wall. Until I can figure out how to deal with it, I need to isolate myself from the irritation.

I initially considered not blogging anymore, but I need the freedom to write what I’m thinking and feeling. I like having my thoughts recorded somewhere so I can go back and look at it later. I started keeping a journal in 1999 and wrote in it every single day for almost 6 years. I started blogging in 2002 and slowly gave up the hand written journals in favor of the speed of typing. When I first started blogging, no one ever came to my blog, nor did I get any comments, so I never learned “blogging etiquette”. It’s taken me a long time to realize that when I say something like, “I wonder if I’ll be a good mother.” (that is only a mere pondering to me) that I am inviting a “Oh don’t worry. You’ll make an excellent mother!” response somewhere in the comment area.

I’m not saying that I don’t like compliments and encouraging reassurances, because I do. I think I just get frustrated when it’s not what I’m looking for from the post… I get mad that people get “sidetracked” on my ponderings instead of discussing the actual topic I was blogging about. Maybe I haven’t fully gotten a hold of what blogging is all about. They really should have some kind of a course or book on how to blog…

I find myself very jealous of great bloggers like Motherhood Uncensored, The Sarcastic Journalist, Mama Tulip, and Novelle 360 (just to name a few). I read their fantastic posts and all the lovely comments that their posts generate and wonder why I can’t blog like that. The way they write is so easy to understand and so very pleasant to read. They are straight-forward and unapologetic about what they’re thinking, and it seems that people rarely disagree with them. How do they do it?

Maybe some people are just born to be great bloggers and others, like myself, should keep their thoughts to themselves.

Regardless, I can’t seem to keep my mouth shut OR keep my thoughts to myself. And so I blog. But until I figure out what I’m doing wrong and how to fix it, and learn how to accept unsought advice, I need to turn the comments off.

I hope having the comments turned off won’t stop people from visiting the blog, because I will still be posting.

Filed under: Pregnancy

Belly – Week 20

Posted on March 08, 2007

The baby is healthy and developing normally. There are no signs of any developmental problems or defects. The baby was moving around energetically during the entire ultrasound which lasted a little over an hour. It was so amazing to watch the baby move on the screen and feel the movements inside my body at the same time.

When I saw the baby on the screen for the first time, I started crying because it was just so beautiful and it was my baby. It was there, it was alive, and it’s all mine.

I watched as the technician pointed out the hands and feet, but I didn’t need her to show me. I knew, intuitively what everything was, because it was my baby… I just watched in awe as the little critter moved and danced about on the screen. For the first time since my wedding day, I couldn’t stop smiling and tearing up at the same time. It is just so beautiful and amazing to watch a life growing and living inside of your own body. What a blessing!

Now I think about raising this little person inside of me. I wonder who they will grow up to be and what their personality will be like. I have the responsibility to help shape their life and who they will be. What a blessing and yet what a scary, scary thought. I know I can be a good mother to my child and I can’t wait to show them all the wonderful things there are in this world to discover. I won’t keep them too sheltered like my mom did to me. And I won’t neglect them either. I just want my baby to know how much I love it and always feel like they can come to me with anything.

The ultrasound technician got several clear shots between the legs during the hour long ultrasound. We’re having a girl. I couldn’t have been more surprised! I thought from the very beginning that I was having a boy, but I guess my instincts were wrong. I actually always wanted a girl, and I think I thought it was a boy mostly because I was nervous about having a boy. I think it was my way of preparing myself “just in case”.

She’s beautiful, healthy, and I couldn’t be any happier right now. It seems like everything in the world is perfect.

Our Baby

Filed under: Belly Pics , Pregnancy

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