Belly – Week 11

Posted on January 06, 2007

Not very impressive, I know. But I did promise you a belly pic and here it is!

When you consider what my stomach used to look like, this is pretty shocking! At least for me it is… I used to be a professional dancer. I danced for 16 years. A lot of things happened that made me stop dancing. My dance school closed and 6 months later I was in a bad car accident that I still haven’t fully recovered from.

I haven’t danced for a couple years, but I still had a dancer’s body up until about 3 months ago. I made a point to exercise as much as possible and eat healthy to keep my figure.

I normally have a 27 inch waist (24-25 when I was dancing). Right now, I measure about 35 inches around the middle. Where is my waist going?! Bye byes…

This is what my stomach used to look like… Very, very tiny! I know that will now be a memory because this isn’t the last baby I’m going to have. By the time I’m done having babies, I’ll need a tummy tuck and a boob lift to put everything back where it belongs.

I have found that it’s very easy to get depressed about this in particular. I used to be very concerned about what I looked like all the time. When I was much younger, my mom taught me to be anorexic as if it was a healthy way of life. After getting married, I slowly got up to a healthy weight and started eating more than salads and fruit.

Even though I’ve learned how to eat healthier, I still find it impossible to let go of the body image anorexia creates in your mind. It’s hard to look in the mirror and think that I look “ok”. Everybody used to tell me that I was too skinny, but I didn’t think I was.

Now that I’m pregnant and I’ve seen my weight go up 10 pounds in 3 months and my waist go from 27 inches to about 35, and well… it’s disconcerting! For some reason, I’m not freaking out about it though. I’m happily eating and bragging about my weight gain. I still fear that after I have the baby, I’ll never like my body ever again.

But, can’t worry myself about that right now! Got better things to think about like, where the hell am I going to live?!!

Apartment hunting is not going well. We found several places that are okay, but nothing that we really like. Dan is on a role to buy a house now. I just want a place to live!! A place to call home… I guess all good things take time. You can’t rush God…

Damn I wish I could though.

Filed under: Belly Pics , Pregnancy



Preggerventures

Posted on January 04, 2007

Are you ready to get right down to the nitty gritty of pregnancy? Are you ready for all the gooey, graphic details, the mood swings, and the ramblings of utter nonsense? God I hope so…

My friend Barry said it best, when he came up with the term, “Preggerventures”. I love it! haha I don’t know if he invented it, or it’s just a term that I’ve never heard before, but I think it’s adorable. I think it should definitely be in the dictionary.

Baby-Parenting.com has this to say about month 3 of pregnancy? “You may be suffering from mood swings, this is very common during pregnancy. It is partly due to the change in hormones in your body and partly due to the very emotional event which is occurring.” Emotional event indeed! I don’t know whether I’m coming or going… happy or sad… Why doesn’t anyone warn you, “Hey Lady, you know… when you get pregnant, you are going to cry when you see commercials for Wendy’s and McDonalds.” I mean really, someone should have warned me. It’s only fair.

Pregnancy cravings are almost unexplainable. In the middle of the day, for absolutely no reason, I will suddenly blurt out something like, “Pizza! Yes, I want pizza.” or “Mmmm… I could totally go for some Mexican food right now.” and the worst part is, once you have a craving for a certain food, you don’t want to eat anything else. All other food makes your stomach turn and you immediately feel like you want to hurl. What other people call “Morning Sickness” I call “24 hour non-stop nausea”.

And then there’s what I like to call “The Crash Downs”. It feels like a sugar high and a sugar low happening at the same time. It comes on suddenly and you can’t do anything about it. You want to jump on a treadmill but you just don’t have the gosh darn energy to do it.

All the pregnancy books and websites out there tell you to rest. “Take a nap in the afternoon if you feel tired,” they say. That way you don’t feel guilty sleeping when there is housework to be done. About a week before I found out I was pregnant, I started to get really tired around 4:00 or 5:00 in the evening. If I didn’t get to bed by 10:00pm, I would get a headache. Now this was very unusual for me because my normal bedtime was between midnight and 1:30am. Yeah, I used to be a night person… but I’m not anymore.

I had to take 2-3 hour naps in the afternoon and sleep for 10-12 hours at night when I was between week 7 and week 9 of pregnancy. I was completely exhausted all the time, from doing absolutely nothing at all! Well, at least that’s the way it seems. I wish I had a little window on my stomach so I could see everything going on in there so I could appreciate more all the work my poor body is doing.

In all honesty, I love being pregnant. I don’t intend for my blog to turn into a baby blog, but I have a feeling I might not have too much else to talk about for a while. I had so much trouble posting Life In Between, Patience Is A Virtue, and Internet Harassment. I wanted so much to talk about how I felt about all this, but I knew it wasn’t the right time yet. However I couldn’t keep my mouth shut any longer. So, I spilled the beans. I think it will do me good to talk about it.

Oh and thank you for all the wonderful, supportive comments that all of you left on the last three posts. I truly appreciate it and it makes me feel good to know that you care. :kissing:

Filed under: Pregnancy



Change Is Good

Posted on January 02, 2007

I had a lovely evening at my brother’s house on Wednesday night and Thursday morning, I helped my SIL Anne Marie prepare Thanksgiving dinner.

Sometime in the early afternoon, I went to the bathroom and realized that I had spotted. I thought that I had finally started my period or had a miscarriage and I felt absolutely devastated. I couldn’t help but cry. My husband held me tight and comforted me and told me everything would be all right.

The next day, after spending a second night sleeping overnight at my brother’s house, I became a little depressed. Still thinking I had started my period, I had a few drinks with Anne and a little later in the evening, the 4 of us drank two very expensive bottles of champagne.

We ended up staying overnight at Zach’s till Monday. By then, I realized that what I had experienced was not my period or a miscarriage… It was implantation bleeding.

Early Monday morning, we packed up and left my brother’s house to go to Danny’s follow-up interview in Billerica, MA where he would meet the boss and sign the contract. They told him that he would start work the following week. What a relief! We were both so happy about his new job.

From there, we drove to Options For Women. To our surprise, it was located three buildings down from the church we got married in. That was a pleasant surprise. I suddenly felt more confident again. The woman at the front desk was very sweet and we soon realized that OFW was actually a Christian organization. That made me feel even better.

The pregnancy tests they offered were a little different than what I was used to. You used a little dropper and placed 4 small drops onto the test instead of peeing on a stick. We were actually able to perform the test ourselves, making it a very hands-on experience that we’ll never forget.

I was too afraid to look at the test, so I nervously talked to the woman, as Danny kept his eyes glued to the test. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the expression on his face change and his whole face lit up. He told me to look at the test and bravely, I obeyed. “It’s positive!” he exclaimed! I looked down and there it was… 2 bold pink lines. The woman agreed happily and announced, “You’re pregnant! How do you feel?” I was so happy I could barely talk. I knew I would remember November 27th for a very long time.

She took us into another room and asked us some more questions, to make sure we knew what what going on and what we had gotten ourselves into. She gave us several booklets and showed us how big the baby was, and told us that our due date was July 19th, 2007. It was all so surreal!

As we walked out the door and headed for our car, neither Danny nor I could wipe the smiles off our faces. I don’t think either of us had ever been that happy before! We immediately drove to his parent’s house to tell them the good news. They were both so happy for us. I haven’t been able to function ever since.

It’s now January 2nd, 2007 and I have been visibly showing for almost 2 weeks now. My belly button has moved up 2 inches and none of my pants fit me. I am now 11 weeks pregnant and my actual due date is July 22nd. The baby is about 2 inches long and weighs about half an ounce. The baby is about the size of an apricot and looks similar to the fetus in the picture to the right. Isn’t it so cute and tiny?!

I’ve told almost all of Danny’s family and relatives, my best friend Jaclyn and her boyfriend Elijah, as well as my friend Cindi and my chiropractor. I also told Zach and Anne a few days before Christmas when we went to visit them again. So far, everyone we’ve told has been really happy for us.

I haven’t told my mom yet and I don’t want to. I’ve had nightmares about telling her ever since I found out I was indeed pregnant. I keep joking that I’ll let the baby tell her…

I’m now coming out the other end of the morning sickness phase, seeing as how I am almost to my second trimester. My morning sickness was never really bad, but there were days I couldn’t get out of bed. Luckily, I never actually vomited. I just felt like it and threatened it for like 4 weeks!

I’ve gained about 8 pounds so far, my I know most of it is water weight and from all the food I’ve been eating! I normally have a 27 inch waist and 30 inch hips and I now measure 34 inches around the middle. At first, I just looked bloated. Now, I actually look pregnant. It’s so neat and I love it!

So yeah… I’m pregnant! What do you think about that?

Filed under: Pregnancy



Ch Ch Ch Changes

Posted on January 01, 2007

November 22nd, the morning after I took the first pregnancy test, I woke up 6:00am. My husband had a couple of job interviews he had to go to that day in Manchester, NH and Billerica, MA. We had decided that if the second pregnancy test was also positive, we would go to the Planned Parenthood Center in Manchester just to take one more test and get it confirmed.

I took the second pregnancy test no more than 5 minutes after waking up. My eyes weren’t even fully open yet. However, they did work enough to see that this test was also positive. The line was light, but definitely darker than the day before. I seriously started to freak!

I wanted to be pregnant so badly, but was afraid to believe that it was finally happening. I had so many doubts running through my mind, that I couldn’t let myself get happy yet because I was so afraid that if I did… it would all go away.

Danny’s first interview went well and afterwards we drove straight to the PP Center. When we got there, a well dressed woman carrying a Prada handbag met us in the parking lot. She didn’t introduce herself, but I noticed she had anti-abortion and pro-life bumper stickers on her bran new van. She persuaded us to go to the Care Net Pregnancy Center right down the street because they didn’t encourage or perform abortions there. That sounded like a much better option to me, considering I am ferociously pro-life.

We agreed to follow her there. Unfortunately when we arrived and the woman parked her vehicle, she accidentally hit the van in front of her. I felt really bad that she had a fender bender because she was really trying to be nice to us and do something good by steering us away from the PP Center. I got the impression that this was what she did all day… I don’t think she had any kids though.

The Care Net Pregnancy Center didn’t open until 10:00am so we had to wait around for about 35 minutes, which seemed like the longest 35 minutes of my life. It seemed like I would never know for sure whether I was really pregnant or not. I’ll tell you right now, it definitely wasn’t under the circumstances that I had expected. All I kept saying to Danny was, “This is SO WEIRD! I can’t believe this is happening!”

They finally opened the front doors and let us in where we sat in a waiting room for an additional ten minutes. As soon as I got in there, I ran to the bathroom because I had to pee so bad I thought I was going to burst! I felt much better afterwards, but that didn’t get my nerves much. While I sat there impatiently, I filled out some paperwork and tried to stay calm. Each second that passed felt like a minute. Every minute that passed felt like an hour. I hadn’t been that stressed out in at least a couple years!

After an eternity and a half, they sent me into the bathroom with a cup.

Warning: TMI below!

I had a feeling that this wasn’t going to go well. It suddenly dawned on me when I went in there that I had just peed only 8 or 9 minutes earlier! Not only did I not have to pee, it was about 10:15am and this was by far, not my “morning sample”. I managed to squeeze several drops out, but I knew it wasn’t enough.

End TMI

I left my sample in the bathroom, where they had instructed me to. Soon after that, they brought Danny and I into a elegantly decorated room where we sat down on a comfy sofa and spoke to a kind woman. She had us fill out a little more paperwork and she talked with us about how we would feel if the results were positive.

Several minutes later, a nurse came into the room with my test results. She showed us the two lines on the test and it looked exactly like the test I took earlier that morning. She said that it was positive, but that she had to call it a negative because she was supposed to read the official test result at the 3 minutes mark and the positive line didn’t show up on my test until the 4 minutes mark. Talk about frustration!

They said that for legal reasons, they had to tell me that it was negative, but that I was most likely pregnant and should take another test in a few days.

They also explained that it probably took a minute for the results to show up because my sample was diluted and not a “morning sample”. Another possibility was the Hcg levels could be low because I was so small and skinny and things could be progressing slowly. Still, it wasn’t what I wanted to hear. I wanted them to tell me, “Congrats! You’re pregnant!”

My husband was still convinced I was pregnant though. As far as he was concerned, there were three positive pregnancy tests and that was enough to prove to him that I was knocked up!

Before leaving the Care Net Pregnancy Center, they gave me the telephone numbers and addresses for a couple other places I could go to get another free pregnancy test. Unfortunately, the next day was Thanksgiving, nobody was open on weekends, so I had to wait until Monday to get tested again! I had to wait 5 more days! I thought for sure, I was going to lose my mind…

We left Care Net and went to Danny’s second interview, which went extremely well as you know. (He got the job!) He came out grinning ear to ear and I knew things were only going to go up from there.

That night, we went to my brother’s house. It was the first time I had seen him in almost 3 years. We hadn’t spoken in over 1 year. But that’s a story for another time… In short, everything went much better than I expected.

Very suddenly everything seemed right in the world for the first time in a long time. All was as it should be, it seemed.

Filed under: Pregnancy



Changes?

Posted on December 26, 2006

On October 30th we made a temporary move to the campground that I used to manage. My husband was still waiting for a job and I was unwilling to move back in with my in-laws, as sweet as they are. So after much contemplating, we decided to stay at the campground until hubby got a job.

It took a couple weeks for me to get our cabin in order and settle down. During this time, I also had to deal with the owner of the campground, Chris, whi is completely insane and should be on medication.

My life was completely up in the air. I felt like I was going to lose my mind. It was just one thing after another.

On November 19th, about 31/2 weeks after we moved to the campground, I found myself sitting comfortably in a pew at our new church. I was listening intently to the priest who was giving a wonderful homily, as he was preaching about the importance of family, values, and morals. Listening to him discuss how disappointed he was in Catholics having abortions, I realized I hadn’t had my period in a long time. I wasn’t worried at first, because sometimes I’m late and it’s never been a big deal. I carefully counted back to when I should have ovulated and then to when I had my last period and suddenly came to the conclusion that I was on the 36th day of my cycle and was over a week late for my period.

At that point, I definitely didn’t think I was pregnant, because there were many times before I had gone up to 45 days in my cycle with no period. Even so, I leaned over and told Dan. To my surprise, he actually looked a little worried.

When we got home after church, Dan said that I should probably take a pregnancy test. I didn’t want to though because I thought it would just be a waste! I decided to wait until Tuesday morning just to give my period a few more days to show up, if it was going to.

Tuesday morning, November 21st, I took the test first thing in the morning. I waited 3 minutes, like it said to do in the instructions, and then looked at the result window. To my shock and surprise, there were two lines. The control line was a dark pink, just like every other time I tested with a negative result. Except this time, there was a very light pink line right next to it. I didn’t immediately get excited because I didn’t think I was pregnant.

For a few moments, I felt like I was stuck in a time warp. My eyes were transfixed on the result window of my little “pee stick”. Millions of thoughts ran through my head, and most of them were along the lines of, “Maybe the test was too cold,” “Maybe the test expired,” or “Maybe I did it wrong.”

As soon as I was able to think straight again, I called Danny inside. He was outside working on some water pipes to our cabin. He quickly came inside and wanted to know what I wanted. I slowly explained what happened and then showed him the stick. He looked at it for a moment and replied, “Well……you’re probably pregnant.” I argued that the line was really light and that something had to be wrong with the test. After a bit of confusion and a bit of arguing, he told me to take another test in the morning. I told him I only had one test left. He thought this occasion might be a good time to use it…

I couldn’t STAND not knowing for sure. Talk about life in between… I knew I could be pregnant, I was probably pregnant, but didn’t know for sure if I was really pregnant. That’s enough to make any woman go right out of her freaking mind.

I called my best friend Jaclyn and explained everything including that I had lost my calendar that I used to keep track of my cycle and that I wasn’t positive exactly how late I really was. She looked up info online and informed me that if there were two lines, no matter how light it was, that it meant I was pregnant. Apparently “First Response” pregnancy tests don’t give false positives.

I was a complete wreck for the rest of the day. I couldn’t do anything but pace the floor. My life long dream was to be a mother. I had waited, what seemed liked years, for this day to come. I couldn’t know for sure yet and it was driving me insane.

Was this really it? Was it finally my time? Could I really be pregnant?? You’ll just have to wait and see. I’ll tell you the rest of the story later…

You know you love suspense… :biggrin:

Filed under: Pregnancy



Life In Between

Posted on December 20, 2006

Sometimes you find yourself in between. Whether it’s in between jobs, houses, boyfriends, or simple in between lunch and dinner. Being in between affects all of us differently. I for one, don’t have much patience for these in between periods. I hate not knowing what’s on the other side and where I’m going. I like knowing everything… and sometimes you can’t. Sometimes you just have to wait and see what happens next. Another way of “going with the flow”.

When I feel stuck in between two things with the past behind me and god-knows-what ahead of me, I feel uneasy. Obviously, that’s to be expected. I feel like it happens all too often though. For the past 4 years, there have only been a few moments… maybe weeks, when I actually felt like I was in a comfortable place in life. I have a hard time “being still” and just waiting. Maybe it’s because I’m naturally an uptight person… I don’t know.

Why does there always have to be an in between time we must all endure? And why does it have to take so long to get to the other side sometimes? Is it just me, or is it like that for everyone?

I don’t know what is ahead for me in life. It’s all so unsure right now, even with my husband’s wonderful job locked down. There are just so many ifs in life. I know I can’t control everything, but sometimes I wish I didn’t live so much of my life in between.

Filed under: Personal Thoughts



Patience Is A Virtue

Posted on December 16, 2006

My husband finally got a job, after three and 1/2 months of looking. And the funny thing is, this job just fell on his lap. A small, but growing company from Massachusetts found his job resume on Monster.com and immediately contacted him for an interview. He called them back and scheduled the interview for November 22nd.

The interview went exceptionally well and they asked him to come back on Monday for a second interview and meet the boss. So November 27th, we drove back there for his second interview. I waited in the car for him, for what seemed like forever and a day. When he came out, he was smiling and I knew it was good. They loved him and told him he could start the following week! It was a miracle that came at the perfect time.

His first day of work was December 2nd. He is the Applications Engineer at his company and he shares an office with a man from India. His office has a view, he has his own phone line, company laptop, company cell phone, and his own business cards. And the best part is, he’s making 15K more per year than he expected to.

The only current downfall is, he has a 4 hour commute everyday. We are living in New Hampshire and his job is outside of Boston. We are now considering moving farther south in NH or moving to Massachusetts. Neither if us like MA laws or politics though, so it’s a difficult decision to make. We will know in time, what to do…

There are currently only 5 other people in the company, but when the company gets bigger, he’ll be at the top. It’s a wonderful opportunity and we both feel so blessed. He never imagined he’d get a job like this straight out of college. It goes to show that good things come to those who wait. Patience truly is a virtue.

Filed under: Announcements



Internet Harassment

Posted on December 05, 2006

I love visiting other people’s blogs. I have over 250 feeds in my Bloglines Feed Reader. I enjoy anything from people’s personal blogs to (gasp) celebrity gossip and of course, fashion.

When visiting the more popular blogs, I rarely read the comments that other people have left. I read the post and if I feel the need, I leave a comment. Then I move on to another blog. I rarely spend more than a few minutes on a high traffic blog.

Well on September 8th, I made the mistake of leaving a comment on a certain celebrity gossip blog with a link back to my personal blog. It was a website that I rarely went to, but they posted about two celebrities I liked and they were speculating that they were sleeping together just because they were photographed having lunch together. How presumptuous to just assume that, right? I kindly left a comment that said something like,

“Could it possibly be that these two celebrities are still close friends and just wanted to have lunch, catch up, and hang out together? I’m so tired of gossip blogs jumping to conclusions just for the sake of making a post…”

I was directing my comment at the post’s author, but apparently, some of the other commenter’s took what I said personally. I didn’t know that till later though…

What I soon found out was that the commenting section of this blog was more like a forum or chat room for insecure people with no respect for themselves or anyone else. They started off by leaving comments telling me to F-off, which soon escalated to a certain young man deciding to speculate about my sexual preferences. He began misquoting my blog entries and changing them to say perverted, disgusting things about my dog and me, saying that I was having sexual intercourse with my female dog and other foolish nonsense.

I didn’t realize that these horrible comments were being left on the gossip blog until the young man that ventured to say sexually explicit things about me and my dog, decided to email me directly. After his first email, I went back to the website to observe the atrocities.

They began at the top and ripped me into tiny shreds. They left no stone uncovered. Once they found my blog, they unfortunately, found out everything else about me too. My wedding photos, my photography website, my website design site, information about my dance school, my family, my husband, etc It went from bad to worse, as they began ripping apart my in laws and husband as well.

And it didn’t stop there… Once they found the other blogs and websites I had, they posted links to them on the comment forum of the gossip blog. I went from getting an average of 50-60 hits a day on my website to well over 350 hits. This was not positive attention though. They posted my email address and told people to spam me. And once they found my mother in law’s blog and her name, they were able to look up our address, see where we lived, and post that on the internet as well!

This lasted for hours and hours and then moved to other comment threads on that site as well. But it didn’t end there. They began talking about me on 2 other websites as well. They even went as far as to make a faux website about me and post copyrighted images and content on that site, as if it were my own.

After 8 days of them harassing, stalking, bashing, and verbally abusing me, things quieted down and I didn’t hear or see much for about a week. During those 8 days, I never said a word to these people. I didn’t deny any of the lies they were saying, I didn’t post anymore comments on the website, and I stopped posting on my blog as well as taking down about 10 of my other websites.

My mother in law helped me save and collect all the information. It had gone from freedom of speech to stalking and harassment. I would go into further detail, but the things these people were saying were so horrible and disgusting, that I don’t want to even acknowledge it.

We thought that they had moved on to someone else and had forgotten about me, but one of the main players in their sick game, Tom, decided it would be fun to bring up the subject of me again. It lasted for another 10 days.

This time, I was pissed. Things had gone much too far and I wanted this nonsense to stop. I had done nothing wrong and didn’t deserve this kind of treatment. My mother in law and husband were pretty sick of it too. They helped me collect and compile all the things that were posted about me as well as the emails that were sent to me by Tom. We also had their IP addresses and soon figured out that these sick retards were doing this from work.

After putting all of the information together and writing a cover letter, we sent a copy to each of the stalker’s places of work, as well as 4 copies to different branches of the FBI. Yes, things had become that serious.

The stalking and harassment continued though… It has calmed down a lot, but I’m still afraid to be online. I decided the only way I was going to feel safe to blog again was by getting a bran new blog. A whole new chance at life, it seems. I don’t ever want those people to find me again. I have made a huge effort to not let me real name be revealed on this new blog or links to this blog have anything to do with my old blog or real name.

Now you know why I have a new blog!!!!!!!

Filed under: Frustration , Random Info , Technology



Hello!

Posted on November 13, 2006

Welcome to my new blog! I have a lot of updating to do so hang in there… the blog will be better soon. Promise!

Filed under: Blogs I Love , Recommended



Don’t Tell the Husband!

Posted on October 17, 2006

I was reading this article on MSN “Lifestyle” and I really couldn’t help but wonder where people come up with such crazy ideas! You have to read this…

“Don’t-Tell-the-Husband”
Secrets All Women Keep

By Jeannie Kim

We women are well aware that most of the time we’re a profound mystery to men. And for the most part, we like it that way. But the thought has occurred to just about every woman: Would it really be so bad if he knew _________ about me? Wouldn’t it help him understand me better? And more importantly, Wouldn’t he annoy me less if he knew what I really wanted?

So for the benefit of women everywhere (and for your benefit too, guys—remember, a happy woman makes for a much happier man), we’re going to let men in on a little of what really makes us tick, deep down. Read on for 11 near-universal secrets of womankind. Some may shock you, others may be things you’ve suspected for a long time (but never had the nerve to ask about). But know this: the woman in your life? She’s hiding more secrets than these, including a few you’d never imagine. Lucky you—you get to spend a lifetime learning them all.

1. Everything we buy for ourselves—shoes, a skirt, even just stuff from the drugstore—really costs 20 percent more than we tell you it did.
Just because it’s a classic sitcom plot doesn’t mean it isn’t true. “Sometimes I’ll buy an outfit and charge half of it on our credit card and pay for the other half in cash so my husband doesn’t know what I’m actually spending,” admits one 32-year-old, who requested anonymity to protect her sneaky secret. Yeah, we know honesty is the best policy, hiding your spending habits is bad, blah blah blah. But sometimes we just don’t want the hassle of arguing over the price of the fancy shampoo. Is that so wrong? We don’t think so.

2. We actually think about sex—with you!—a lot.
Sometimes we think about it all day long. It’s just that by the end of the day we’re too damn tired to do anything about it. Now, if you could only catch us at lunchtime…

3. We’re just as nervous about commitment as you are.
True, many girls grow up dreaming of Prince Charming, the white wedding, and happily ever after. But we’re human, just like you, and when it comes down to the reality of tying our life to another person’s, we get scared, too. “The idea of getting married completely freaked me out at first,” says my friend Lisa, 34. “I know this sounds like a guy cliché, but I saw it as giving up my independence and being tied down.” The good news is, once we’re hitched, we’re generally pretty delighted about it. Says Lisa, “Now that I am married, having a life commitment is so comforting and wonderful. I love knowing that we are a team and that we’re going to be on the same team forever.”

4. We may be modern and independent, but we still want you to be “the man.”
We do want you to be sensitive, caring 21st-century males, but even the most ass-kicking, take-no-prisoners woman still wants to feel taken care of by her man somehow. Whether that means you take charge in bed, know how to fix the car and kill spiders, or even just carry the big suitcase when we’re on vacation—when you act all manly, even if you’re 98 pounds soaking wet, it makes us feel more feminine, more safe.

“I love that my friends and family always comment on how my husband opens the door for me and does all kinds of other chivalrous things—especially when I was pregnant, when he was so protective of me and my belly,” says Lorraine, 29, of New Hartford, NY. “At the end of the day, being in his strong arms is definitely a good feeling, no matter how independent I know I am.”

5. Our ex-boyfriends were not completely terrible in bed.
You know how we’re always telling you things like, “No one does it like you do”? Um, yeah. Well, we may have been stretching the truth just a teensy bit. But we’ll never actually tell you that a past lover was a bedroom dynamo—we’re smarter than that. Just know that whatever toe-curling orgasms the other guy gave us, sex with you really is a million times better—because it’s you, and you’re the one we really want.

6. We’re scared that we’ll turn into our mothers.
We love our mothers, really. We admire them, we’re grateful to them, we think they’re the most amazing women on the planet. We just don’t want to be them. That’s why one of the worst insults you can hurl at a woman is, “You’re acting just like your mother.”

But here’s one that’s even worse: “You’re acting just like my mother.” It sends a horrible oedipal shiver down our spines—did he marry me because I’m like his mom? Will he start expecting me to cut the crusts off his PB&J? So please, if you value your sex life, never ever compare your wife to your mother. Out loud, anyway.

7. We want you to be jealous—but just a little bit.
We want you to notice—and care!—when the waiter flirts with us, or when other guys check us out on the street. It makes us feel that we matter to you. But please don’t get all Neanderthal and possessive on us. “I’m very loyal, and if my guy can’t understand that I would never do anything with anyone else, then that just makes me mad,” says Paulina, 22, from Brooklyn. So, to recap: Raising your eyebrows when we introduce you to our cute coworker—good. Punching him out—very, very bad.

8. Yes, we fantasize about hot celebrity guys, but that doesn’t mean we want you to be them.
Christian Bale is sexy and all, but can you imagine having to clean that Batcave?

9. We tell our girlfriends more than we admit to you (but less than you fear).
Yes, we tell them about the latest marital spat, complain about our mothers-in-law, and sigh over the hobby that sucks up all your free time. But we don’t tell them how big your you-know-what is or that you cried in our arms when your dad died. Some things are just too important and intimate to share. “I definitely don’t tell my girlfriends details like what my husband said when he proposed, the feeling I have every time I see him look at our daughter, and the little wonderful things he does for me every day,” says Lorraine. “Those are just for me.”

10. We really do notice and appreciate all the chores you do.
Why don’t we say so often enough? Because we can’t get over all the things you don’t do. My husband, for example, is incredibly diligent about keeping a 6-by-10-foot carpeted patch of our apartment vacuumed and cat hair–free, and I love that. But it kills me that it never occurs to him to dust the furniture sitting on top of that piece of carpet, or to sweep the hardwood floor adjoining it.

Blame our lack of positive feedback on that stubborn female belief that there is Only One Right Way to do any given household task—our way. It’s probably the real reason why men don’t shoulder a greater share of housekeeping duties; we complain about how you did it wrong, so you never want to do it again. (Sounds familiar, right?) Let’s make a deal: You promise to dust the lampshade (or wipe down the kitchen counter after you wash the dishes, or take out the garbage and then put a new liner in the can) once in a while, and we promise to sing your praises. Agreed?

11. We love you with all our hearts, but we still get wistful about the fact that we’ll never feel that falling-in-love sizzle and spark again.
I’ll just come right out and say it: Most women are love addicts. And while we appreciate the depth and richness of long-time love, there is simply nothing like the giddy, fluttery, crazy feeling we get (or rather, used to get) with a brand-new guy. We know we’ll never feel that high again, and there’s a little part of us that will always miss it. (Why do you think we watch so many romantic comedies?) But in the end, what we get instead—you, and a lifetime of true devotion—is more than worth the price.

© 2006 by Hearst Communications Inc.

Next: 11 “Don’t-Tell-the-Wife” Secrets All Men Keep >

I’m sorry, but what kind of women are they referring to?? Certainly not me!

I don’t keep secrets from my husband. He doesn’t keep secrets from me. You may call me naive, but actually I think I’m just a different breed of married woman.

1. Yes, sometimes I under exaggerate the amount I spent on a pair of shoes, like leaving out how much a paid for the shipping and handling. I never hide the fact that I bought it though or do stupid stuff to prevent him from finding out.

2. Is that really a secret? It’s not to my husband. C’mon now! Maybe that’s not the case with couples who have been married for a long time… but seriously. I can’t believe they even had to mention that.

3. Honestly, neither one of us were afraid of commitment. We talked about it in great length because we wondered why we weren’t afraid of commitment. Everything just always felt right to both of us. I think if you are afraid of commitment, then you aren’t committing to the right person and your subconscious knows it.

4. I’m not modern, nor am I independent. Actually, I am quite dependent. Think of me more as a 40’s housewife. Of course I want my husband to be the man. He is the man. He’s the bread winner. He knows that’s his position and we both like it that way.

5. I don’t have much to say about this one, because I never slept with anyone until I got married. I don’t know if my 1 other boyfriend was bad in bed or not. I don’t think he knew either. I never dated anyone that wasn’t practicing abstinence before marriage.

6. Okay, ‘ll totally admit to that, but that’s no secret!! I tell my husband that all the time!!! I say to him “Don’t let me turn into her!” at least once a month…

7. I don’t feel the need to make my husband jealous. He showers me with more love and affection than I can handle already! The thing I need is for him to feel jealous like he has to work for something or win be over. He already did that! Now let’s move on with life. Making your man jealous seems like a immature thing to do…

8. Fantasize is not the right word here. More like…admire. And that’s no secret either. If I see a hot guy on TV or walking down the street, we usually talk about it together. One of us will point out his goodness and one will point out his flaws, then we’ll have a good laugh and everyone is happy!

9. When I get off the phone with my girlfriend (singular) I tell my husband all about the conversation. Usually her side of the conversation because I don’t hide in the bathroom to talk on the phone. I have no problem letting my hubby hear what I talk to my girlfriend about. Why would I? Again, that just seems immature to me.

10. My husband knows that I appreciate all the things he does because when he actually gets around to doing it, I make a huge point of letting him know that I appreciate it. Positive reenforcement. If I want him to do it again, I’m going to make sure he knows that I’m totally loving him for it.

11. See now this is the problem with dating a lot of guys before you get married. You get addicted to that “new spark” feeling when you enter a new relationship. I only got that once and it was with my now husband. We both had all the butterflies, giddiness, and all that good stuff. What replaced it was a meaningful relationship that brings us closer together everyday. I wouldn’t give up what I have now to feel those giddy feelings again, because what I have now is so much better. I have fond memories of that time. And when we talk about it every once in a while, it brings back some of those old butterflies. I don’t miss it. And even if I did, I wouldn’t not tell my husband.

All this stupid secret keeping from your husbands is what pushes happy marriages into divorce land. COMMUNICATION. Oh yes people claim they have so much communication in their marriage, when I say to them, “Well did you tell him how you feel about such-and-such?” they looked shocked and exclaim, “Of course not!”. I mean, really, what do people think they are accomplishing by not telling their husbands certain things?

My husband is my best friend and he’s one of the only people I have that I feel comfortable enough to tell my deepest secrets to. Doesn’t anybody else have that kind of relationship with their husbands??

Please share your thoughts and views on this because I fail to see why anyone would keep anything other than a surprise party, secret from their husbands.

Filed under: Love & Marriage




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