Life In Between

Sometimes you find yourself in between. Whether it’s in between jobs, houses, boyfriends, or simple in between lunch and dinner. Being in between affects all of us differently. I for one, don’t have much patience for these in between periods. I hate not knowing what’s on the other side and where I’m going. I like knowing everything… and sometimes you can’t. Sometimes you just have to wait and see what happens next. Another way of “going with the flow”.

When I feel stuck in between two things with the past behind me and god-knows-what ahead of me, I feel uneasy. Obviously, that’s to be expected. I feel like it happens all too often though. For the past 4 years, there have only been a few moments… maybe weeks, when I actually felt like I was in a comfortable place in life. I have a hard time “being still” and just waiting. Maybe it’s because I’m naturally an uptight person… I don’t know.

Why does there always have to be an in between time we must all endure? And why does it have to take so long to get to the other side sometimes? Is it just me, or is it like that for everyone?

I don’t know what is ahead for me in life. It’s all so unsure right now, even with my husband’s wonderful job locked down. There are just so many ifs in life. I know I can’t control everything, but sometimes I wish I didn’t live so much of my life in between.

Patience Is A Virtue

My husband finally got a job, after three and 1/2 months of looking. And the funny thing is, this job just fell on his lap. A small, but growing company from Massachusetts found his job resume on Monster.com and immediately contacted him for an interview. He called them back and scheduled the interview for November 22nd.

The interview went exceptionally well and they asked him to come back on Monday for a second interview and meet the boss. So November 27th, we drove back there for his second interview. I waited in the car for him, for what seemed like forever and a day. When he came out, he was smiling and I knew it was good. They loved him and told him he could start the following week! It was a miracle that came at the perfect time.

His first day of work was December 2nd. He is the Applications Engineer at his company and he shares an office with a man from India. His office has a view, he has his own phone line, company laptop, company cell phone, and his own business cards. And the best part is, he’s making 15K more per year than he expected to.

The only current downfall is, he has a 4 hour commute everyday. We are living in New Hampshire and his job is outside of Boston. We are now considering moving farther south in NH or moving to Massachusetts. Neither if us like MA laws or politics though, so it’s a difficult decision to make. We will know in time, what to do…

There are currently only 5 other people in the company, but when the company gets bigger, he’ll be at the top. It’s a wonderful opportunity and we both feel so blessed. He never imagined he’d get a job like this straight out of college. It goes to show that good things come to those who wait. Patience truly is a virtue.

Internet Harassment

I love visiting other people’s blogs. I have over 250 feeds in my Bloglines Feed Reader. I enjoy anything from people’s personal blogs to (gasp) celebrity gossip and of course, fashion.

When visiting the more popular blogs, I rarely read the comments that other people have left. I read the post and if I feel the need, I leave a comment. Then I move on to another blog. I rarely spend more than a few minutes on a high traffic blog.

Well on September 8th, I made the mistake of leaving a comment on a certain celebrity gossip blog with a link back to my personal blog. It was a website that I rarely went to, but they posted about two celebrities I liked and they were speculating that they were sleeping together just because they were photographed having lunch together. How presumptuous to just assume that, right? I kindly left a comment that said something like,

“Could it possibly be that these two celebrities are still close friends and just wanted to have lunch, catch up, and hang out together? I’m so tired of gossip blogs jumping to conclusions just for the sake of making a post…”

I was directing my comment at the post’s author, but apparently, some of the other commenter’s took what I said personally. I didn’t know that till later though…

What I soon found out was that the commenting section of this blog was more like a forum or chat room for insecure people with no respect for themselves or anyone else. They started off by leaving comments telling me to F-off, which soon escalated to a certain young man deciding to speculate about my sexual preferences. He began misquoting my blog entries and changing them to say perverted, disgusting things about my dog and me, saying that I was having sexual intercourse with my female dog and other foolish nonsense.

I didn’t realize that these horrible comments were being left on the gossip blog until the young man that ventured to say sexually explicit things about me and my dog, decided to email me directly. After his first email, I went back to the website to observe the atrocities.

They began at the top and ripped me into tiny shreds. They left no stone uncovered. Once they found my blog, they unfortunately, found out everything else about me too. My wedding photos, my photography website, my website design site, information about my dance school, my family, my husband, etc It went from bad to worse, as they began ripping apart my in laws and husband as well.

And it didn’t stop there… Once they found the other blogs and websites I had, they posted links to them on the comment forum of the gossip blog. I went from getting an average of 50-60 hits a day on my website to well over 350 hits. This was not positive attention though. They posted my email address and told people to spam me. And once they found my mother in law’s blog and her name, they were able to look up our address, see where we lived, and post that on the internet as well!

This lasted for hours and hours and then moved to other comment threads on that site as well. But it didn’t end there. They began talking about me on 2 other websites as well. They even went as far as to make a faux website about me and post copyrighted images and content on that site, as if it were my own.

After 8 days of them harassing, stalking, bashing, and verbally abusing me, things quieted down and I didn’t hear or see much for about a week. During those 8 days, I never said a word to these people. I didn’t deny any of the lies they were saying, I didn’t post anymore comments on the website, and I stopped posting on my blog as well as taking down about 10 of my other websites.

My mother in law helped me save and collect all the information. It had gone from freedom of speech to stalking and harassment. I would go into further detail, but the things these people were saying were so horrible and disgusting, that I don’t want to even acknowledge it.

We thought that they had moved on to someone else and had forgotten about me, but one of the main players in their sick game, Tom, decided it would be fun to bring up the subject of me again. It lasted for another 10 days.

This time, I was pissed. Things had gone much too far and I wanted this nonsense to stop. I had done nothing wrong and didn’t deserve this kind of treatment. My mother in law and husband were pretty sick of it too. They helped me collect and compile all the things that were posted about me as well as the emails that were sent to me by Tom. We also had their IP addresses and soon figured out that these sick retards were doing this from work.

After putting all of the information together and writing a cover letter, we sent a copy to each of the stalker’s places of work, as well as 4 copies to different branches of the FBI. Yes, things had become that serious.

The stalking and harassment continued though… It has calmed down a lot, but I’m still afraid to be online. I decided the only way I was going to feel safe to blog again was by getting a bran new blog. A whole new chance at life, it seems. I don’t ever want those people to find me again. I have made a huge effort to not let me real name be revealed on this new blog or links to this blog have anything to do with my old blog or real name.

Now you know why I have a new blog!!!!!!!

Don’t Tell the Husband!

I was reading this article on MSN “Lifestyle” and I really couldn’t help but wonder where people come up with such crazy ideas! You have to read this…

“Don’t-Tell-the-Husband”
Secrets All Women Keep

By Jeannie Kim

We women are well aware that most of the time we’re a profound mystery to men. And for the most part, we like it that way. But the thought has occurred to just about every woman: Would it really be so bad if he knew _________ about me? Wouldn’t it help him understand me better? And more importantly, Wouldn’t he annoy me less if he knew what I really wanted?

So for the benefit of women everywhere (and for your benefit too, guys—remember, a happy woman makes for a much happier man), we’re going to let men in on a little of what really makes us tick, deep down. Read on for 11 near-universal secrets of womankind. Some may shock you, others may be things you’ve suspected for a long time (but never had the nerve to ask about). But know this: the woman in your life? She’s hiding more secrets than these, including a few you’d never imagine. Lucky you—you get to spend a lifetime learning them all.

1. Everything we buy for ourselves—shoes, a skirt, even just stuff from the drugstore—really costs 20 percent more than we tell you it did.
Just because it’s a classic sitcom plot doesn’t mean it isn’t true. “Sometimes I’ll buy an outfit and charge half of it on our credit card and pay for the other half in cash so my husband doesn’t know what I’m actually spending,” admits one 32-year-old, who requested anonymity to protect her sneaky secret. Yeah, we know honesty is the best policy, hiding your spending habits is bad, blah blah blah. But sometimes we just don’t want the hassle of arguing over the price of the fancy shampoo. Is that so wrong? We don’t think so.

2. We actually think about sex—with you!—a lot.
Sometimes we think about it all day long. It’s just that by the end of the day we’re too damn tired to do anything about it. Now, if you could only catch us at lunchtime…

3. We’re just as nervous about commitment as you are.
True, many girls grow up dreaming of Prince Charming, the white wedding, and happily ever after. But we’re human, just like you, and when it comes down to the reality of tying our life to another person’s, we get scared, too. “The idea of getting married completely freaked me out at first,” says my friend Lisa, 34. “I know this sounds like a guy cliché, but I saw it as giving up my independence and being tied down.” The good news is, once we’re hitched, we’re generally pretty delighted about it. Says Lisa, “Now that I am married, having a life commitment is so comforting and wonderful. I love knowing that we are a team and that we’re going to be on the same team forever.”

4. We may be modern and independent, but we still want you to be “the man.”
We do want you to be sensitive, caring 21st-century males, but even the most ass-kicking, take-no-prisoners woman still wants to feel taken care of by her man somehow. Whether that means you take charge in bed, know how to fix the car and kill spiders, or even just carry the big suitcase when we’re on vacation—when you act all manly, even if you’re 98 pounds soaking wet, it makes us feel more feminine, more safe.

“I love that my friends and family always comment on how my husband opens the door for me and does all kinds of other chivalrous things—especially when I was pregnant, when he was so protective of me and my belly,” says Lorraine, 29, of New Hartford, NY. “At the end of the day, being in his strong arms is definitely a good feeling, no matter how independent I know I am.”

5. Our ex-boyfriends were not completely terrible in bed.
You know how we’re always telling you things like, “No one does it like you do”? Um, yeah. Well, we may have been stretching the truth just a teensy bit. But we’ll never actually tell you that a past lover was a bedroom dynamo—we’re smarter than that. Just know that whatever toe-curling orgasms the other guy gave us, sex with you really is a million times better—because it’s you, and you’re the one we really want.

6. We’re scared that we’ll turn into our mothers.
We love our mothers, really. We admire them, we’re grateful to them, we think they’re the most amazing women on the planet. We just don’t want to be them. That’s why one of the worst insults you can hurl at a woman is, “You’re acting just like your mother.”

But here’s one that’s even worse: “You’re acting just like my mother.” It sends a horrible oedipal shiver down our spines—did he marry me because I’m like his mom? Will he start expecting me to cut the crusts off his PB&J? So please, if you value your sex life, never ever compare your wife to your mother. Out loud, anyway.

7. We want you to be jealous—but just a little bit.
We want you to notice—and care!—when the waiter flirts with us, or when other guys check us out on the street. It makes us feel that we matter to you. But please don’t get all Neanderthal and possessive on us. “I’m very loyal, and if my guy can’t understand that I would never do anything with anyone else, then that just makes me mad,” says Paulina, 22, from Brooklyn. So, to recap: Raising your eyebrows when we introduce you to our cute coworker—good. Punching him out—very, very bad.

8. Yes, we fantasize about hot celebrity guys, but that doesn’t mean we want you to be them.
Christian Bale is sexy and all, but can you imagine having to clean that Batcave?

9. We tell our girlfriends more than we admit to you (but less than you fear).
Yes, we tell them about the latest marital spat, complain about our mothers-in-law, and sigh over the hobby that sucks up all your free time. But we don’t tell them how big your you-know-what is or that you cried in our arms when your dad died. Some things are just too important and intimate to share. “I definitely don’t tell my girlfriends details like what my husband said when he proposed, the feeling I have every time I see him look at our daughter, and the little wonderful things he does for me every day,” says Lorraine. “Those are just for me.”

10. We really do notice and appreciate all the chores you do.
Why don’t we say so often enough? Because we can’t get over all the things you don’t do. My husband, for example, is incredibly diligent about keeping a 6-by-10-foot carpeted patch of our apartment vacuumed and cat hair–free, and I love that. But it kills me that it never occurs to him to dust the furniture sitting on top of that piece of carpet, or to sweep the hardwood floor adjoining it.

Blame our lack of positive feedback on that stubborn female belief that there is Only One Right Way to do any given household task—our way. It’s probably the real reason why men don’t shoulder a greater share of housekeeping duties; we complain about how you did it wrong, so you never want to do it again. (Sounds familiar, right?) Let’s make a deal: You promise to dust the lampshade (or wipe down the kitchen counter after you wash the dishes, or take out the garbage and then put a new liner in the can) once in a while, and we promise to sing your praises. Agreed?

11. We love you with all our hearts, but we still get wistful about the fact that we’ll never feel that falling-in-love sizzle and spark again.
I’ll just come right out and say it: Most women are love addicts. And while we appreciate the depth and richness of long-time love, there is simply nothing like the giddy, fluttery, crazy feeling we get (or rather, used to get) with a brand-new guy. We know we’ll never feel that high again, and there’s a little part of us that will always miss it. (Why do you think we watch so many romantic comedies?) But in the end, what we get instead—you, and a lifetime of true devotion—is more than worth the price.

© 2006 by Hearst Communications Inc.

Next: 11 “Don’t-Tell-the-Wife” Secrets All Men Keep >

I’m sorry, but what kind of women are they referring to?? Certainly not me!

I don’t keep secrets from my husband. He doesn’t keep secrets from me. You may call me naive, but actually I think I’m just a different breed of married woman.

1. Yes, sometimes I under exaggerate the amount I spent on a pair of shoes, like leaving out how much a paid for the shipping and handling. I never hide the fact that I bought it though or do stupid stuff to prevent him from finding out.

2. Is that really a secret? It’s not to my husband. C’mon now! Maybe that’s not the case with couples who have been married for a long time… but seriously. I can’t believe they even had to mention that.

3. Honestly, neither one of us were afraid of commitment. We talked about it in great length because we wondered why we weren’t afraid of commitment. Everything just always felt right to both of us. I think if you are afraid of commitment, then you aren’t committing to the right person and your subconscious knows it.

4. I’m not modern, nor am I independent. Actually, I am quite dependent. Think of me more as a 40’s housewife. Of course I want my husband to be the man. He is the man. He’s the bread winner. He knows that’s his position and we both like it that way.

5. I don’t have much to say about this one, because I never slept with anyone until I got married. I don’t know if my 1 other boyfriend was bad in bed or not. I don’t think he knew either. I never dated anyone that wasn’t practicing abstinence before marriage.

6. Okay, ‘ll totally admit to that, but that’s no secret!! I tell my husband that all the time!!! I say to him “Don’t let me turn into her!” at least once a month…

7. I don’t feel the need to make my husband jealous. He showers me with more love and affection than I can handle already! The thing I need is for him to feel jealous like he has to work for something or win be over. He already did that! Now let’s move on with life. Making your man jealous seems like a immature thing to do…

8. Fantasize is not the right word here. More like…admire. And that’s no secret either. If I see a hot guy on TV or walking down the street, we usually talk about it together. One of us will point out his goodness and one will point out his flaws, then we’ll have a good laugh and everyone is happy!

9. When I get off the phone with my girlfriend (singular) I tell my husband all about the conversation. Usually her side of the conversation because I don’t hide in the bathroom to talk on the phone. I have no problem letting my hubby hear what I talk to my girlfriend about. Why would I? Again, that just seems immature to me.

10. My husband knows that I appreciate all the things he does because when he actually gets around to doing it, I make a huge point of letting him know that I appreciate it. Positive reenforcement. If I want him to do it again, I’m going to make sure he knows that I’m totally loving him for it.

11. See now this is the problem with dating a lot of guys before you get married. You get addicted to that “new spark” feeling when you enter a new relationship. I only got that once and it was with my now husband. We both had all the butterflies, giddiness, and all that good stuff. What replaced it was a meaningful relationship that brings us closer together everyday. I wouldn’t give up what I have now to feel those giddy feelings again, because what I have now is so much better. I have fond memories of that time. And when we talk about it every once in a while, it brings back some of those old butterflies. I don’t miss it. And even if I did, I wouldn’t not tell my husband.

All this stupid secret keeping from your husbands is what pushes happy marriages into divorce land. COMMUNICATION. Oh yes people claim they have so much communication in their marriage, when I say to them, “Well did you tell him how you feel about such-and-such?” they looked shocked and exclaim, “Of course not!”. I mean, really, what do people think they are accomplishing by not telling their husbands certain things?

My husband is my best friend and he’s one of the only people I have that I feel comfortable enough to tell my deepest secrets to. Doesn’t anybody else have that kind of relationship with their husbands??

Please share your thoughts and views on this because I fail to see why anyone would keep anything other than a surprise party, secret from their husbands.