Posted on May 16, 2007
Posted on May 16, 2007
Posted on May 14, 2007
Baby’s Length: 10.75 to 17 in.
Baby’s Weight: 3 lbs.
Baby’s Size: Loaf of Bread
I watched Brothers & Sisters last night lack of anything better to do. Tommy and Julia’s twins were born premature (about 29 weeks) and they were so tiny… It really touched me to see them holding such a tiny little baby in their arms, knowing that my own baby who is still safe in my womb, is not much bigger. It really makes you realize how fragile and special life is when it’s right in your face like that.
With only 10 weeks left now, I am starting to get slightly nervous. I am, by nature, a control freak and not being able to have complete control of this pregnancy is driving me a little bit crazy. I know I can’t have the perfect birth and give birth on a certain day and have everything go perfectly, because having a baby isn’t like that. That really hit me after reading all about Tammie’s birth experience. (Day 1, Day 2, and Day 3)She was planning a water birth in a birthing center, just like I am, and at the last minute her plans had to change completely for the health of her unborn baby. I know that she wanted to have a natural birth as much as I do and it just really sucks that things didn’t turn out that way.
She seems to be taking everything quite well and is embracing motherhood in an amazing way. I admire her so much. I know I mention her a lot in my posts, and it’s because she’s such a strong, mature woman that I really respect and look up to. I have learned a lot from her and in turn, learned a lot about myself.
I know that I am very sensitive to failure and disappointment. I actually hold myself back in life sometimes, just to avoid being disappointed in myself. With that knowledge in mind, I know that I can’t prepare myself for labor and delivery the way that most other people would. I know if I have any expectations at all, I will be disappointed in myself for a long time. Oh yes, they say that after the baby is born you forget all about that kind of stuff. Well, I’m just not like that…
So I am trying to have a really laid-back attitude about labor and birth. I don’t want to spend these next few weeks stressing out about how I want everything to happen, going to labor classes, making a complicated birth plan, and preparing myself for some kind of magical experience that probably won’t happen anything like I plan. I think it’s much better for me to just sit back, eat healthy, exercise, and go with the flow… My own little way of being oblivious.
Everything will happen in God’s time and according to His plan. As much as I want to be in control of everything, I’m not and I can’t be. And maybe someday, I won’t want to be… Until then, I just need to learn how to “let go”.
Comments OffFiled under: Pregnancy
Posted on May 12, 2007
My cute little “Mommy-To-Be” hipster shorts with the little stork on them. Just too cute!
Posted on May 07, 2007
Baby’s Length: 10.5 to 16.75 in.
Baby’s Weight: 2.75 lbs.
Baby’s Size: Iron
I think an iron is a bad analogy for the current size of the baby. I would personally compare her to a honeydew melon; especially after looking at my stomach.
Sometimes she feels like a big bowling ball just flopping back and forth in my gut. I think I can safely say that I have definitely left the comfortable and fun part of pregnancy at this point. It’s all downhill from here!
1.) I know it’s really exciting when you finally start showing. You suddenly go from looking fat to actually looking pregnant and it’s quite a milestone. However, just keep in mind that your belly is going to just keep getting bigger with each passing day. Enjoy it while it’s small. Enjoy being able to suck your stomach in and have the bump actually disappear. A few months from now, you won’t be able to do that anymore! I was so anxious to start showing, I think I actually pushed my stomach out a bit. You don’t want to do that… It doesn’t go back. The baby just takes advantage of the space and moves right in.
2.) It’s nice to have an excuse to eat. “I can eat 2 pieces of cake because I’m pregnant and the baby needs it,” you convince yourself. Yeah… well… just keep in mind that every pound that isn’t baby or placenta or amniotic fluid is going to be there once the baby pops out! It would be nice to gain 30 pounds during pregnancy and just suddenly lose it all on the delivery table, but I’m afraid that doesn’t happen. I have 2 months left to go and I have already gained 25 pounds. I went from a slim 115 lb chic to a plump little 140 lb Goodyear blimp. And supposedly, you gain another 10 pounds in your last 8 weeks of pregnancy. I can’t exactly diet at this point!!! So just keep your weight and food intake in check, especially during the second trimester when you feel so great and just want to eat all the time.
3.) Exercise and walk a lot!! Once you get to the third trimester, you won’t want to anymore. You are going to feel fat, tired, and sitting and watching TV with a bowl of ice cream is going to be more appealing than ever before. Don’t make excuses either. I’m regretting not exercising more while I was still small enough to do so. Now, I have no energy left.
4.) Don’t let people impose their opinions and ideas on you if you don’t want them to. It will just make your head spin. I think a key thing during pregnancy is to stay peaceful and calm at all times. If someone in your life is making you crazy or stressing you out, try to take a break from them or put distance there. You and your baby will be better for it.
Comments OffFiled under: Pregnancy
Posted on May 03, 2007
It seems like time is going by so quickly now. I can’t even keep track of how many weeks along in my pregnancy I am anymore. My brain is so preoccupied with how many things I have to do between now and July, I can’t even begin to think about being a dedicated blogger.
Being without internet for 6 weeks was an interesting experience. The first week, I was stressing out a little bit. The second week, I started freaking out about not being able to post on my fashion blog (which is exploding in popularity). By the third week without an internet connection, I gave up being stressed out about. Then by the forth and fifth week, I realized what an amazing blessing it was not having to worry about email, blog posts, and the other 500 things I do on the internet everyday. It was a nice vacation.
When the Comcast guy came and put in our internet for us, I was very relieved. That is, until I checked my email… I have 10 email accounts I had to check. (Yes, they are all absolutely necessary.) Well… I had almost 2,000 emails altogether and only about 1,000 of them were spam or solicited emails. That left me with about 1,000 emails that I had to either deal with, respond to, file away, or at the very least, read. That took about 3 days.
During that time with no internet, I came down with a sinus infection/cold. I was sick with that for about 8 days and then felt like I was improving for 2 or 3 days. Then, I suddenly came down with pneumonia. I was sick in bed with pneumonia for over 2 weeks. At one point, I was so sick I could barely breath (with me asthma and all) and was convinced I had no other choice than to go to the hospital. This was the 6th time in my life I had pneumonia and 4 out of those 6 times, I went into the hospital. Only 2 out of those 6 times with pneumonia, I almost died. Colds etc really hit me hard…
The day that I was my very sickest with pneumonia, my husband was on a business trip and I was home alone. My mother just happened to come over that day to bring me a bureau for my bedroom. I felt so miserable, I didn’t let her leave. I needed somebody, anybody, to just be there with me in case I decided it was finally time to go to the hospital. I really didn’t want to go though…
I made my mom stay overnight with me. She cleaned the apartment for me while I laid on the couch in a semi-coma type state. Being a holistic nutritionist, she gave me all the vitamins I needed to fight the pneumonia as well as making sure I took all my asthma medications so I could get enough oxygen for the baby. She made me chicken soup, did my laundry, and took care of me.
Surprisingly, I made a near miraculous recovery in less than 4 days. After being sick for 2 weeks and feeling like I was near death for almost 1 week, I couldn’t even believe I was still alive.
My mother stayed with me for those 4 days until I was well enough to take care of my myself and my husband was home. During that time, we did a lot of talking – something I think both of us really needed to do. We ironed out so many things in those 4 days together. I confronted her about everything that has been bothering me about our relationship over the past 3 years and she cried and apologized; something she has never done before. We got the pink elephant out of the living room (so to speak) and worked through a lot of things that needed to get out in the open and over and done with. Kinda like closure…
I didn’t enjoy being sick by any means, but if I hadn’t been in that position, I don’t think my mother and I would have gotten a chance to talk like that and be open with each other. She was in a vulnerable position having to take care of me and after three years of gaining my own personal strength, I was able to confront her without hesitation. I think the whole thing was an amazing blessing, as awkward as it may seem.
I feel much better now that I am not on the “outs” with her. I hadn’t really realized how much stress that was causing me. She’s my mother and I know she’s not perfect by any means of the word and I know that she has mental issues and is deeply conflicted, but it doesn’t bother me or affect me anymore. I can see it, realize it, and work around it. Now if she says something that puts up a red flag in my brain, I either call her on it or ignore it completely. Before, I took everything personally and over-analyzed every word to the point of delirium.
I find myself very protective of myself, my body, my baby, and my husband. I wasn’t like that before I got pregnant. I am very quick to stand up for myself and what I think is right now. It’s like being pregnant with this child has given me a whole new level of self confidence and assertiveness. I still avoid conflict whenever I can, which has made me become distant from certain people, but I’ve been peaceful, which is the most important part.
I have been so much happier with my pregnancy and the direction of my life the last 2 months. I was really depressed for my first trimester and half of my second trimester. There were a few people in my life making it very difficult for me to be happy. I was very conflicted, depressed, and easily insulted. I think getting away from all of it while I was sick for those 3 weeks, really gave me the time to think and get a better perspective. It’s been a combination of a few different things that improved my outlook though. I put distance between the few people that were getting on my overly-active pregnant nerves and I started thinking about the things that really mattered. Important things like my little girl. I feel a lot closer to her lately instead of like I have some alien invading my personal space. There is an indescribable bond there now, that I know will grow even stronger over time.
And so it’s spring… and with the rising pollen counts and increased allergies, my spirits have soared to new levels and I’m genuinely content with where my life is going.
Posted on May 02, 2007
My friend Tammie, over at Soul Gardening finally gave birth to her beautiful baby boy! Isn’t he the most handsome little guy you’ve ever seen?! She had a long labor, but as you can see from the picture, it was well worth it. I am so happy for her!! I can’t wait till it’s my turn!
Go on over to her blog and leave her some love and support >>
Posted on April 24, 2007
Posted on March 16, 2007
I was just sitting on the couch and as usual, Bean Sprout was kicking me in the gut. This time it was a lot more than usual though. So I rolled my pants down and stared at my stomach and I could actually see it vibrating and see where she was punching and kicking me. It was such an amazing moment, that I couldn’t help but start bawling my eyes out right then and there.
Every time I realize that I am really growing a baby inside of me, I get wicked emotional. Most of the time, this whole experience is just unexplainable.
The joys of being pregnant for the first time…
Comments OffFiled under: Pregnancy
Posted on March 14, 2007
Yes, those are pre-pregnancy clothes I’m still attempting to wear. Just around the house though!!
I have gained 15 pounds since December. Right now, I weigh 130 and feel like a cow! I started exercising more the past week or so because I noticed my thighs getting a little bit bigger than necessary! I am trying really hard to make the food I’m eating count and not gain a whole lot of extra “baby weight” just from pigging out on junk food. I don’t want to make it harder for myself once the baby is out.
My goal is to be back into my size 2 skinny jeans by November 1st. And to look like this 6 months after I give birth. Hey if she could do it in 3 months, I can do it 6… Yes, I have high hopes!!!
Just trying to eat good for the baby and stay active. I’m not too worried about gaining weight and stuff. Actually haven’t thought about it much at all before this week. Decided I needed to keep that in check though… I like to set my personal goals high and all I can do is hope to accomplish them. More will power to me!
Comments OffFiled under: Belly Pics , Pregnancy
Posted on March 12, 2007
Baby’s Length: 7.5 in.
Baby’s Weight: 12 oz.
Baby’s Size: Banana
Another week has passed and I find myself 21 weeks along in my pregnancy. Seems like the time is flying by, although everyone told me it would seem like I was pregnant forever. To me, it seems like just yesterday I had a waist and normal sized thighs…
If you haven’t already noticed, one of my characteristics or “personality traits” if you will, is my inability to take unsought advice. I realize that this probably doesn’t make much sense, considering I write several blogs, but try to understand. It has taken me the last 5 years of blogging to realize that having a public blog and allowing comments, opens me up to other people’s scrutiny, judgments, opinions, and advice.
This makes it very difficult for me to post. I want the comments, but then I put up a brick wall as soon as I sense someone is trying to share their opinion or advice with me. Having anyone try to tell me to “do things their way” is a subconscious reminder of where I’ve been all of my life. All the little red flags go up and I immediately become defensive and shut down.
Please don’t take this personally, but I need to have the comments turned off on my blog for a while until I can pull myself back together. The last couple months of posts I have made, have resulted in comments with (I’m sure) well-meant advice from people who only have the best intentions. However, it’s been driving me up a wall. Until I can figure out how to deal with it, I need to isolate myself from the irritation.
I initially considered not blogging anymore, but I need the freedom to write what I’m thinking and feeling. I like having my thoughts recorded somewhere so I can go back and look at it later. I started keeping a journal in 1999 and wrote in it every single day for almost 6 years. I started blogging in 2002 and slowly gave up the hand written journals in favor of the speed of typing. When I first started blogging, no one ever came to my blog, nor did I get any comments, so I never learned “blogging etiquette”. It’s taken me a long time to realize that when I say something like, “I wonder if I’ll be a good mother.” (that is only a mere pondering to me) that I am inviting a “Oh don’t worry. You’ll make an excellent mother!” response somewhere in the comment area.
I’m not saying that I don’t like compliments and encouraging reassurances, because I do. I think I just get frustrated when it’s not what I’m looking for from the post… I get mad that people get “sidetracked” on my ponderings instead of discussing the actual topic I was blogging about. Maybe I haven’t fully gotten a hold of what blogging is all about. They really should have some kind of a course or book on how to blog…
I find myself very jealous of great bloggers like Motherhood Uncensored, The Sarcastic Journalist, Mama Tulip, and Novelle 360 (just to name a few). I read their fantastic posts and all the lovely comments that their posts generate and wonder why I can’t blog like that. The way they write is so easy to understand and so very pleasant to read. They are straight-forward and unapologetic about what they’re thinking, and it seems that people rarely disagree with them. How do they do it?
Maybe some people are just born to be great bloggers and others, like myself, should keep their thoughts to themselves.
Regardless, I can’t seem to keep my mouth shut OR keep my thoughts to myself. And so I blog. But until I figure out what I’m doing wrong and how to fix it, and learn how to accept unsought advice, I need to turn the comments off.
I hope having the comments turned off won’t stop people from visiting the blog, because I will still be posting.